I have a good job making six figures yet I dont have a penny in savings to my name because I give my parents at least 2000 per month…

I know that they dont want to take my money but the fact is that they need it. my parents lived out of their means for my entire life.. basically so that I could be raised in a nice neighborhood with good schools, etc. now they have no savings, are in plenty of debt, and have decreased ability to make money.

i’m screwed and i’m in a lose lose situation. people tell me that I should stop giving them so much money but i just dont see how that is supposed to make me feel better when they cannot take care of themselves financially.

My mother thinks she can retire at 60, in 5 years time, and the kids will happily pay for her retirement, even though most people these days have to work until they are 70. Meanwhile she smokes herself 40 a day and drinks like a fish – if she gets a stroke and is bedridden for years then God help her, she has a great temper and is incredibly stubborn and I can’t see either myself or my brother wanting to look after her.

I’m quite angry that she has put us in this position, not saving a single bean her entire life and never looking at prices in the supermarket. She fails to take any personal responsibility for her financial situation.

There is no way she is going to live with my family when she is older (Korean “tradition” is for the mother to live with the eldest son) and I have told her this many times but obviously I don’t want her on the streets. The only choice I have is to try and support her to the tune of 1,000 USD per month within a few years, money I don’t even have.

I’m extremely annoyed with this concept of filial piety. When I have kids, I won’t expect anything from them. Why should I? It’s just an excuse for parents to spend all their money on themselves and emotionally blackmail their kids. Way to go, Asia, this is one tradition that is just plain dumb in this modern day and age.

The way I see it is that if you had the money during raising of the kids then you should suddenly have much more spare cash when they leave the roost. Where did all the money go?

This is not an exaggeration. Majority of the Filipino parents have the feeling of entitlement.They believe that they are entitled to share the income of their children plus providing for the younger siblings. I have a 36 year old brother who decided not to finish school and to do drugs instead. He is clean now but is still very lazy to work. He depended on my other siblings and my parents most of his life. When my brother’s got tired of suppoting him, my parent’s told me that it’s my turn. I don’t want to be an enabler so I turned them down which caused my parent’s to curse me and tell me that I am an ungrateful child.

Even with our discussion about this, things still come up that are culturally different for me. For example, his family would frequently organize a lunch-they chose the restaurant and menu items and time- and then we are expected to pay. So we had to agree as a couple that when we budget that month to be able to treat everyone (have huge student loans we are repaying and saving for a house) we will tell them it’s our treat upfront-our decision, NOT theirs as in just pushing the check our way at the end of a meal- and in those instances we pick the restaurant and also have a say in some of the dishes that gets ordered.

I am sad and feel burdened by the expected responsibility; and my husband and I have student loans that we have to pay back over our lifetime, and pay for our child’s education too that we of course want to do. We’re just trying to live the American dream, I want to pay off my house before I retire, if I ever can, and now I might have to make another house payment?

I feel for for everyone struggling with this, thinking parents love you no matter what, they raise you, they love you, but you grow up and you become an ATM machine? I’d love someone too if I had that expectation.

Sorry, I just feel angry right now and have to get it out.

My in-laws in Mexico have always expected my husband to support all of them. We have built them a mansion, my husband has bought them acres and acres of land, my father in law is known around his city as “The Rich Guy” while he wasted our money on women and partying and getting drunk. When I go visit their twelve bedroom mansion, they have rooms full of clothes and shoes and so much stuff it just makes me mad how easily they waste our money. They just spend nonstop and always expect my husband to send them more instead of saving and investing the money we have sent them every month for so many years. I feel so much resentment I don’t even feel like visiting any more because I know I’m going to get upset and end up getting mad that I’m always budgeting, and going without trying to strecht our money to the max while they waste our hard earned money left and right. I honestly wonder if they think money grows wild here in the States or if they just don’t care that they are abusing their own family and ruining our marriage. I know that in many Latino cultures it is the norm to send money to help your parents and I don’t have a problem with that, on the contrary, it’s nice to know that if you need help your kids are going to be there for you. The problem is when some parents take things to the extreme and instead of raising kids, they raise personal slaves to lavish them with luxuries that WE cannot afford for ourselves. I have my own adult kids and grandchildren and I know if we ever needed help they would help us in a hear beat but I don’t ever want to see them going through what I have experienced. I have raised very caring my kids who believe in helping their family and their parents, IF, and when the need arises but their number one priority should always be with their spouse and children. I just don’t understand how some parents can take and take without thinking about their children and grand-childrens’ future. Do they not even realize how this ruins their children’s marriage? I don’t get it. I just don’t get it how some parents can do this and not feel any sense of guilt- For God’s sake!, I feel guilty when my kids spend more than forty or fifty dollars on me on my birthday or Mother’s Day and I always tell them to get me something small and save their money to buy a house and to put money away for my grandkids’ college. I’m just rambling away here. Please if you get anything out of this comment; get professional help soon before this turns into major hurt, dissapointment, and resentment in your marriage.