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Don’t Have Kids
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Ever hear someone mention that they don’t want to have kids only to hear, invariably, someone ask “why not?” The reason people ask is because having kids is the norm, actively not having kids is not the norm, and so in this DA post I tackle the reasons I think one would decide against having children. I think this particular post falls into the realm of personal opinion and desires, not “good” or “bad” advice, so it’s slightly different from other DA posts.
Kids Are Expensive and Time Consuming!
The number one reason why having kids is a bad idea is that they are expensive and they require a lot of time (time is money!). Given the cost of a hospital stay, which is almost unavoidable, your upcoming kid is already costing you a lot of money and they haven’t even been introduced to the world yet (Read Connie’s story about how much it costs to have a baby). Afterwards, this little tyke is going to eat a ton, run through clothes like it’s the Running of the Brides at Filene’s Basement’s Bridal Gown Sale, and they’re going to have ridiculously expensive hobbies. That’s before they leave elementary school! As the years go on, they get more and more expensive, culminating in college. College, while not required (see this DA post on why you don’t need college to succeed), is basically the minimum of education demanded by society if you want to make something of yourself (or at least that’s the public perception of what society demands).
Tremendous Responsibility
Once you get the past the money, there is a tremendous amount of responsibility when you’re raising another human being. Not only will they be expensive, but you’ll also feel compelled to spend that money because you want your child to succeed. Marketers will bombard you with advertisements about how your child needs to have the latest learning gadget, or how they need to be in this plan or that plan, or how you can’t buy thing particular product because it’s not as good for you as their product. You’ll have to make these decisions, try to make them independent of cost, and still try to provide what you need for your kid to succeed? It’s like when people say they won’t go to the cheapest person for Lasik even if they’re certified and have done thousands of them, they don’t want something that important to be dependent on price; well, are you going to buy the cheaper cereal or do you not want what your child eats to be dependent on price? What’s more important, your child’s health or your eyes? Do you want to be making those decisions?
Your Life Is On Hold
I can’t imagine having children in my early twenties, but that was the norm many many years ago. Heck, I can’t even imagine having a child now, at the age of 27, when my parents had me. With so many young professionals focused on their careers, it’s very difficult to for someone to put it on hold, if only for a little while. Certainly there are plenty who find it more important to raise a family than it is to generate income but many young professionals want to work, advance in their organizations, and make the big dollars so they can, maybe, relax in their older years. Women are no longer looking to become housewives and I think they shouldn’t have to be compelled to feel that way, just like men don’t often look to becoming stay-at-home dads. So, asking anyone to put their career on hold might be a little unreasonable.
I think those are the main reasons why people wouldn’t want to have kids but to be perfectly honest I don’t know (we want children) for certain because I’ve never broached the subject with anyone. If you’re on the “No kids” side of the argument (or at least “no kids for a few more years”), please do share your thoughts. If you’re on the side, I’d love to hear your opinion about these reasons.
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You shoulnt have kids if you really dont want them and be a bad parent
but I dont think people should discourage or talk other people out of having kids,these kids that are costing you money time and stress will grow up very fast just like you did and then you have the rest of your life to travel and have a big career. Have you ever thought about when you retire, a lot of you have mentioned going to visit your mom, who will take care of you and make decisions for you when you are old. It’s something to think about, and if we all felt this way there would be no job or career or vacation because we would come to a end, we have to reproduce just like your parents did. Many of my friends and family that cant have kids will act like they hate kids and dont want them by choice, even people that have one but want more that cant have more will say Lord no I dont want any more kids, if thats the case I think you should just say I would love to have kids but it just has not happened yet, my sister did that and got a call the next day from a friend that said she was expecting a baby and asked if she would like to adopt him, if she had said I dont want kids she would have never thought of calling her.
Wow. I read all the posts from parents and they are all delighted with their lovely kids. And I’m thinking, what’s wrong with me. I am having a much more joyless experience. My daughter is almost 5 and I can honestly say that so far, she has completey ruined my life in every way imaginable. Before I got pregnant, I had a fantastic job, was debt free, in great physical shape, went out three nights a week, had tons of friends, and an exciting life full of possibility. NOW … that is all gone. It is impossible to do anything with a child around you. I lost my job (independent contractor, so no maternity time off permitted). My debt soared. I lost my house. We lived in our car for months (very difficult with a baby). My body is destroyed. Her birth was, so far, the worst experience of my life. We are in a permanent state of overwhelming financial struggle. I have no social life left whatsoever. With the high cost of babysitters, I can only go out once every other month. It’s so depressing. I wish I could go back in time and grab myself by the shoulders and shake myself and say don’t do it, don’t do it!!!!
dag, i really feel for you, i hear all these horror stories and just makes me not want them more and more. god bless.
And it gets worse. I woke up this morning to find out that we are being asked to vacate our apartment due to complaints from our downstairs neighbors about my daughters noise (laughing @ 9pm last night). I can’t even begin to image where to go. Back in the car? The misery never ends.
Dimona
Thanks for be so honest. I hope things look up for you soon though.
I’m 29 at the moment but don’t feel anywhere near ready to have kids. It’s not a financial matter for me, I just don’t feel I’ve done enough with my own life in terms of travelling the world and other such things, and have so many more things I want to do before I’m ready to sacrifice all that in order to bring up another human being.
I’m told by other people of my age that the urge to have children sort of comes to you in an instant when everything just feels right, but that moment hasn’t arrived for me yet.
my husband and i were married 18 months ago when i was 23 and he was 24. We both have careers that we enjoy and having a life that everyone envy about: fancy dinners, designer clothing, European car, etc. Then someday i would wonder, ok then, what’s next? Having baby seems like the next logical decision, which we know we will both be great parents, i know he will be even better than me… And we should have no problem financially raisng them.. But it’s just i can’t find a reason to understand why we have to have kids. I feel like there is a lot i can do without kids in my future, whereas with kids i would need to live with sacrifices and compromises that because having kids that limited me to do certain things… I know this certainly sounds selfish, but i can only live once and i don’t want to regret abt anything over my own decisions… I grew up in a single parent family where I am really close to my parent-mother. She loved me as the most wonderful person on earth and she would still tell me that it is not necessary to have kids… She said the $$$ and time for kids can give a much more satisfying and comfortable life and the worries may not worth it.. Apart from what she told me, I know some part of me agrees to that, but some part of me would just wonder the things I would have missed if not having kids, and I know if this conflict is not solved, I could not possibly proceed to have one. And for myself as to prepare for having the chances of maybe having a kid, I have decided to accomplish and do all I want and wish before going into it. So at least if I am going to have kids, I would not be regretful for what I have not done because of them. I think this would be the best solution for me now.
I know that I would not be a fit parent. Ironically, my wife is great with kids. In fact she’s a child psychologist who has made a big difference in a lot of kids’ lives.
On a variation of the topic of not having kids, the next time that you hear someone gush that she (nothing sexist intended here, but it’s usually women) “just loves babies” and looks forward to having one of her own, ask her if she loves teen-agers. So many people just don’t seem to connect the dots that today’s lovable infant is tomorrow’s troubled adolescent (as so many of us were). At that stage, the relationship between parents and their kids is a battlefield that leaves both sides wounded, sometimes forever.
Maybe if more prospective parents were reminded of this, they might think twice before bringing another potential victim into this world.
The animus against having children, shown here in so many responses, and reflected in the idiotic TV/movie version of the “perfect” life, to which so many subscribe, is really a sad confirmation (and cause) of the decline of our society. For example: “Today’s lovable infant is tomorrow’s troubled adolescent”? Really? That’s not a realistic view, it’s really just cynical – as if EVERY child is doomed to be troubled teen, or that if they do have troubles, that those troubles can’t be overcome or mean that they would have been better off never being born at all. Too bad the demographics don’t bode well for the USA, and the other Western countries that have decided children are a burden and a waste of resources, time, energy, etc.
The only thing that’s going to keep America afloat after this generation of totally self-centered whining DINKs hits menopause/retirement is the illegal alien invasion – sure, they don’t/won’t speak English, are not part of our culture, want the Southwest “returned” to Mexico, etc. At least if they pay some taxes, maybe the few remaining aged Americans will be able to afford a little Alpo as they watch what’s left of their country retooled to crank out tortillas instead of bread. That’s if they’re not deemed an unnecessary expense and advised (or ordered) to exit this life with “dignity”, for the good of the country, of course!
In case you think I’m the cynical one, check the demographics – the numbers don’t look so good for English-speaking America, and they won’t change when so many are so freakin’ proud to NOT have kids, masquerading as selfless saviors of the planet, instead of the selfish pleasure-seekers they really are.
Your reasons are all good, but there are so many more. As one person said, some things cannot be measured in value with a spread sheet…such as time for hobbies, friends, spontenaety….such as not HAVING to work harder to support kids…freedom to travel, create, or just relax…
I never was interested in kids. I acively dislike babies, they are expensive,noisy, ugly, and useless. I was a professional model, am now a vocalist and songwriter, and at 37 I still have a healthy bikini-worthy body–not giving that up to waste a year getting fat, barfing on my vocal chords, and risking my health and career ops just to gestate a human who probably wouldnt be much more special than, well, YOUR kids lol.Not worth it..I am happily married, we have a blissfully child unfriendly lifestyle, we travel, have fun, commit random acts of art and kindness cos we WANT to, not HAVE to, everything is wonderful, and I pity parents. They sometimes try to say its all wooorth it to go through the pain of childbirth, the sleeplessness, feeling trapped, careers and dreams on hold(usually permanently)expenses, etc…but I see the envy and hear it in their voices when they say ‘must be nice’….yep, it IS nice!
Oh yeah–and no matter how ‘eco-friendly ya think you are, if you breed, a person who chose not to has already dont more for the environment than you ever can to make up for creating more resource sucking humans on an already overpopulated planet-fact
WHITE PEOPLE ARE SELF-ELIMINATING AND WILL DIE OUT IN 200 YEARS MAX.
All you child-free people, if you think you are fighting overpopulation, helping the environment, and saving money for your retirement, guess again; as your refusal to reproduce at replacement levels forces America to let in more immigrants so that retirees will not outnumber working people, the future Latino majority will breed like rabbits, destroy the environment, and tax away every dollar you manage to save. Just pray they’ll be kind enough to share some tacos with childless and penniless old white people.
DIMONA, WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU IS THAT YOUR CHILD IS FATHERLESS.
“Wow. I read all the posts from parents and they are all delighted with their lovely kids. And I’m thinking, what’s wrong with me.”
If he won’t marry you, he probably won’t take responsibility for your child. It’s that simple.
My wife and I do not have children. I am amazed by the popmosity of so many of you parents willing to judge people who do not. I can think of many reasons not to and only a few to. I am a counselor and I HEAR parents saying they wished they never had kids (in private many will do that). But we are all defending our decisions here. And who the hell are any of you to tell me a pet is NOT like a child? Love is love, everything else is form, which leads me to my main points.
Let me say I am not advocating everyone not having kids. Of course that could not happen. But the scale is so darened tilted nowadays that people who do have much to consider. they are unaware completely, they just do because they know of nothing else.
I do not have children for the following reasons:
1) Many have children to be Gods. They want something to “love them unconditionally.” Something to look up to them so they feel “special” and important. They do not find importance within themselves. Find the love imn the world, do not lock yourself behind your family and separate ypourslef from others. In Aramaic “special” means “Separate.”
2) Population. The comment above about keeping the sp3ecies going made me belly laugh. We are at 6,000,000,000 now chief. We are sedond only to Insects and bacteria! When you are in your next traffic jam please remember it was someone who was like you who had the human in front of you and in front of that. The world cannot sustain this. Lake Meade is 310 feet below normal levels, 5 southern states are in a drought. Oh yes, and now Global warming had to be proven to those who ridiculed it because they want to defend and never challenge the children sacred cow.
3) Some say they want to carry on the family name. How pompous. Fact: no one remembers you after 3 generations. You are forgotten, try and think who your great grandparent are…now try and think of your great, great grandparents. 83% do not know their g grandparents and over 98% their gg grandparents. No one is going to care when you are gone after time. make a contribution besides a child to this world. One day the world will end also, get over your self preservation delusions.
4) To fix the marriage (I hear this scary one more often than you think). Ha! Many have a child to fix their broken communication hoping it will bond them. IT DOES NOT work! It will make things worse because a child is time and effort.
5) All those who say they now love their kid and would never give it back and how the rest of us can’t understand…turn that around. How can you ever know what it’s like to NOT have a child ANDDDDD with thge mind set that you DO NOT have to? The ones that do hope they will not regret it. They are afraid because society tells them they should or they must…the ultimate sacred cow.
6) We need space. People need space or they get pissed off. Proximity wars are well known and so are conflicts in towns and cities and highways. People shooting each other in traffic. I go hiking in the desert and where once there would be no one to diturb the silent pristine Godness of the area (Be still and know that I am God) now there are others, with screaming kids who would rather be at Disney. We will kill each other and the anger will flare up more and more over time if we keep going.
7) Someone to take care of me when I get old. And you call us selfish? Hahahaha!
There are more but I don’t have the time. i have to go to work to teach people they do not have to do what they are always told or what they learned. God is the goal, not you being God, but finding love through that and going back to the source of love. Kids can be a great map to that but many who have 4,5,6,7,9,10+ kids are sheep following an unchallenged herd. They want a “role,” as Mother and or Father. Another role to play to keep a life filled with nothingness going. Without kids many of you would have NO IDEA of what to do.
This post is not intended to anger people. It is a rebuttle. I do not like writing it, I would rather debate you in person. I can challenge your “stuff” more readily then. But we know we will never do that, people who say things here most likely never would in person. I do…everyday.
Oh, and one more thing. Scroll up and look at Auroras post. He is not the fringe, he is the unspoken fear that fills us. Read it and lower your heads. For that is what some of us say out loud and many say in private in my office.
It is fine that you people don’t have kids. Some people are very self-centered and can’t think of anyone but themselves. It is fine, seriously but once you a little one of your own, something happens you just can’t explain. When that little person is completely dependent on you it is amazing, scary, fun, exciting and 40 other things. I could care less if you have kids. If you don’t want them, it is probably better that you don’t. The problem is people that are not grown up enough to take care of kids that have them anyway. Kids are not that expensive if you do a little planning.
The benefits outweigh the negatives 100 fold. Sure waking up at 2:00 a.m. to fix a bottle sucks, but it is also awesome to hear a little two year old get so excited just to see you walk in the door.
Have em’ if you want or don’t. There are plenty of people on this planet and you only live once.
KEITH, IF I AM “THE UNSPOKEN FEAR THAT FILLS US”,
THEN THE UNSPOKEN FEAR SHOULD START YELLING LOUD AND CLEAR.
The only way to fight overpopulation and environmental damage is for white couples to have two children, replace themselves without increasing themselves, and perpetuate the white American culture of invention and innovation that produces the career opportunities that make people choose voluntarily to limit their birthrate and produces the educational level people need in order to understand and care about environmental health.
Do not kid yourself that your decision not to have children helps fight overpopulation; microsolutions do not work for macroproblems, and nonwhites will keep reproducing at higher than replacement levels whether whites do or not, so if nonwhites become the majority in every country, it’s going to be a “Soylent Green” planet.
Parents and child-free people mutually accusing each other of selfishness or or unhappiness are the pot calling the kettle black; both parenthood and childlessness are selfish and unselfish and happy and unhappy in different ways, and the real bare bones reasons to have children are to preserve your own people and to have someone to support you in your old age.
Or are you one of those naive people who still think there’s going to be social security in 30 years?
Aurora. I AM married. And my husband is the father. Just to clarify.
My husband & I have been happily married for 12 years and are 37 years old now. I never had the bug to want children and luckily, the same goes for my husband. I too have been told for years, mostly by friends, that one day I’ll change. I think its wishful thinking on their part. I hate to say it but misery loses company. Sure, no one with children will EVER admit it but they are so jealous of dual income no kids (DINKS) couples. I watch them scream and yell at their kids and listen to their complaints about how little their husbands help out with the kids. It always amazes me how their husbands just “have” to work all this overtime. The older I get the more sure I am that I don’t want them. Why? For so many of the reasons already mentioned; such as the fact that we enjoy our freedom and spontaneity and also because I am very much aware that I definitely don’t have patience for kids (or most people for that matter). But most importantly, I feel that most people enter into parenting as a means of conforming to society, fulfilling their parents’ wishes and if for no other reason, just so they can feel they have a purpose. I believe most people don’t give it much thought at all. It’s just something that they do, because that’s what’s “expected” of them. My best friend and I are the same age and soon she will be having her third child. Over the years I’ve watched her “discipline” her kids and in true no-kids fashion, I am critical of the way she fails to set boundaries and control her mouthy children. She loves to count as a means of getting her 4 year old to conform…1-2, but he never hears sees what happens at 3. And her favorite…”just wait till your father gets home” gets me every time. Gone are the days when I was growing up, that parents were fearless about spanking their kids. Today, it’s all about pleading, bribing and bargaining with kids instead of letting them have it the way I got it when I was a kid. I’m not suggesting beating your kid is the way to go, there needs to be impulse control on the part of the parent. But the lack of respect for elders, no boundaries, and a total disregard for installing morals, values and a “healthy” belief system in teenagers today actually sickens me. It’s actually hard for me to find a teenager being raised with any morals or values these days. It’s all about following such “fabulous” role models such as Brittney Spears (her sister now included), Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. It’s all about Coach and Dooney & Burke handbags when you turn 13. It’s all about getting our kids ipods, laptop computers and very expensive jewelry by age 8. Parents trying to upstage each others extravagant kid birthday parties with petting zoos, pony rides and circus entertainers. Kids losing their virginity at 14-15 and having babies at 16. Rave parties, crystal meth, and ecstasy…not all things I had to contend with when growing up in Miami, FL in the 70-80’s. Maybe I’ve just been exposed to some real bad parenting examples but I know I am not willing or able to compete against what comes along with today’s parenting societal norms these days. It actually sickens me. For those who feel parenting is what they want to do, I wish you the very best of luck…you’re gonna need it. In the meantime, the money I’m saving by not raising kids, I think will be better spent backpacking through Europe and retiring early.
Dimona wrote:
“Aurora. I AM married. And my husband is the father. Just to clarify.”
Since your posts never mentioned your child’s father I naturally assumed he was out of the picture. I don’t know enough about your situation to know what your options are; I sincerely hope you and your husband find opportunities to better your lives. Perhaps this time in your life will ultimately be a memory of a hard time from which you learned and grew stronger. Note that all the happily child-free people who have posted here either don’t say their age or describe themselves as being in their 20′s or 30′s. Ask a childless 60-year-old woman if she made the right decission.
Dimona, good luck and God bless you; I’ll say a prayer for your family’s situation to improve.
I am married and had kids late in life – in our late 30s. To each their own…no one is right here. Life is a lot easier without kids but they are super fun at times…sometimes not. However, my wife and I get to have feelings all these people without kids don’t get to have. I feel like my life is more full – I’ve experienced being a kid, teenager, single person, married with kids. Now I get to see them grow up and have someone to talk to and hopefully care for me a bit in my old age…I have a complete family. All the comments about not having kids are just as valid – tons and tons of freedom. That sounds good too.
My husband and I are in our late 30′s. We have no desire to have children. We both feel that our life is already complete and lacking nothing. We constantly are pressured by both sides of the family to have our parents grandkids. We see it as selfish that parents try to pressure their kids into having children, to fullfill their own selfish need for grandkids. We both have great professional careers, travel, spend time just enjoying each other, and have no regrets about our decisions. Everyone keeps telling us we will regret not having kids, because when we are old we will be alone. I view having children so somebody will take care of you when you are old as selfish.
If you do not want kids, do not cave to the psocial pressure, so that you fit in. Living life your own way, should be reward enough.
Kids or no kids…it’s all good. The only people on this site I wanna bitchslap are the ones who are trying to act smug and superior. That goes for both sides of the kid debate. Laaaaame.
PS I don’t have kids because I don’t want them. I’ve known others who love kids and have always known they wanted kids. They will make great parents. Me, not so much.
Oops. I stumbled across this thread trying to find out about the stimulus package per-kid rebate, and couldn’t resist the topic. I see long discussions of personal preferences, planetary concerns, racial concerns, etc. Allow me to introduce one line of questioning: is there a God, who created all this maleness and femaleness and reproduction, and might s/he have a plan we should be interested in? Is it possible our personal tastes and preferences might not be the ultimate arbiter of what’s best for us? Just an innocent question, and now I’ll tiptoe back out before the bottles and rocks and tomatoes start flying…
Dave, excellent point, and watch out for those tomatoes and some eggs… after making the God comment and the majority of posts coming from individuals with no higher purpose in life than their own comforts, I am afraid you will get hit. I am sick of hearing these people say, “We have no desire to have children. We both feel that our life is already complete and lacking nothing” Then why do you need a dog for? They are all suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder that plagues our society today. All they want is to have fun and be comfortable. They have no self-dignity. Perhaps the problem lies in the way they were brought up. Aurora, you are correct. The white population is in decline, because we are caught up in this existential/feminist crap, while the Latin/and other minorities are still in touch with their humanity, therefore will continue to populate the earth without a second thought.
As for Keith who is a school counselor, it is a blasphemy for such a person to be advising parents when he abhors the idea of parenthood. Why would anyone listen to him, a childless individual? I would fire him. I call people like him “non-human humans” who live in a psychological/emotional disconnect, in a world of their own making, oblivious to – and apathetic about – what they don’t know.
Psychologists warn us that narcissists “are more likely to have romantic relationships that are short-lived, be at risk for infidelity, lack emotional warmth, and to exhibit game-playing, dishonesty, and over-controlling and violent behaviors.” Believe me, a society full of these types will make the community members in Lord of the Flies seem as if they were on a perpetual picnic.
Gab, are you CRAZY?
You claim that anyone who does not want children has “Narcissistic Personality Disorder” and is a “non-human human”!
Just because letting the white population die out would have disastrous consequences does not mean anyone who does not want children is mentally ill!
Some people should not have children, because they are truly incapable of parental love, or incapable of being a responsible parent.
I simply pointed out the consequences of white people letting themselves die out altogether. That doesn’t mean every single one has to have kids with no exceptions.
One more thing, I’m opposed to large families. Overpopulation is a real problem that we cannot ignore.
Wife and I were married 8 yrs, we’re 28 now. Have a 6 mo old son. Never wanted kids, but you can see how that plan fizzled. Anyway, didn’t like him at first, but now I love him so much. And lucky for us he is not unruly. He has his moments, but so do I. Yes, sleeping at 3 or 4 hours at a time was insane, but now he can make it 6-8 hours at a time, and wakes up at 2am sometimes. We both have graduate degrees, and are pursuing careers in spite of the baby. We’re going to have the best of both worlds. In fact, my colleagues are in awe as I leave work at 5pm to get baby from daycare, then bring him back to office feed him, and let him play with a couple of toys friends at work have given him. When he started being able to hold his bottle at 4 months, and sitting up at 5 months, it has really helped out.
We used to shop all the time. Now it’s occasional but we still get things we want and enjoy. To be honest, I wouldn’t trade this “accident” for anything now. And everyone has a different situation, and we should try not to envy others as much as possible. I really don’t like how we get envious looks from other parents who are not in as well of a situation as we are. That’s not our fault, wife and I made choices and sacrifices at younger ages to get to where we are today. Our son is actually very lucky to have been born into our household, and we will raise him to be appreciative. We’re optimistic people, and that’s how we view this situation we’re in. For example, whatever he choses to do in life, we want him to learn to use some of his talents to help others.
As for the environmentalists, you should stop preaching overpopulation to those of us in the western world and redirect your concerns to Latin America, Africa, and SE Asia. Your western citizens are not reproducing at a replenishing rate. Oh, but they don’t really care to debate such issues because it’s laughable to them: children or no children. hahahaha is the sound you’ll hear.
Hmmm… all the racists and God-lovers commenting on this thread make even more committed to never having children. If someone who’s worried that Whitey is dying out thinks I should have kids, then I feel doubly good laughing in their face.
All they want is to have fun and be comfortable.
Goodness, excuse me. I guess I should be a miserable incubator for your pathetic (white) God, then.
Well I have one kid, and that is my wealth, he is not expensive or time consuming, and I love the time which I spend with him, that worth a lot more then money to me.
Hi! I am a Mom to a 3-year-old boy. There is just one comment I disagree with. Basically — that you must get sucked into buying everything expensive for your child/children. My son gets to go to either Big Lots or Goodwill a few times a month (2-3?) and pick any toy he wants. Noggin (a tv channel for little kids) shows very limited commercials. I know this is partly due to his age — but so far he is not a crazy consumer! As far as activities — we have done one session each of Gymboree and The Little Gym, and they are nice, but he would just as soon hang at the park. We did not go crazy with his baby things either, we spent $100 for a crib and maybe $12 for a mattress, and I think $70 for car seat/stroller combo. Those were our biggest purchases.
I am all in favor of only people who want kids having them! But I can smother my child with love and affection without spending money for certain brands or developmental experiences.
I will say too — it is hard, there are sacrifices, and I do know people who do resent their kids, it is sad. I don’t like it, either, when people pretend like after the baby is born everything will just work out… some people are just kind of selfish/self-absorbed and can’t really give their kids what they need… or can’t stand it when their kids can’t be controlled by them anymore…
I chose not to have kids because my dad was a child molester. As much as I trust my husband now, I feel I’d have too much paranoia to deal with trusting him with children. It’s just one of those things you really don’t want to discuss with friends and strangers.
I work for a large, politically conservative corporation, and in my eyes, some people that work there have kids because they think it will make their career more successful. And, it probably does. That is because there is an expectation that in order to lead a moral life and be successful, you have to have kids. I do not have kids, and I have never been interested in having them. I like kids OK, but I have never had a passionate desire to have them. The amazing thing is that I have asked many women that have kids if they ever had the passionate desire to raise a child, and by and large, most of them say “no.” They tell me that their mother in laws pressured them, their husbands pressured them, etc. I am so tired of this entire debate. I am tired of people always asking me “don’t you want kids?” I’m never sure what to say. I usually give a vague answer because I don’t want people to think that I’m too liberal or too free thinking for choosing not to have children. I think a lot of people who succomb to societal pressures to have children even though deep down they really don’t want to are intimidated by those of us who have chosen not to.
Lise wrote:
Hmmm… all the racists and God-lovers commenting on this thread make even more committed to never having children. If someone who’s worried that Whitey is dying out thinks I should have kids, then I feel doubly good laughing in their face.
Goodness, excuse me. I guess I should be a miserable incubator for your pathetic (white) God, then.
If you’re talking to me, I’m not a racist, and I’m not white.
God isn’t white either. Race is a human characteristic. God has no race.
White suicide by depopulation is a fascinating phenomenon. No other group of people in the world are letting themselves die out. Only whites. Why? Self-hatred? Cynicism? Spiritual emptiness?
Lise, you sound like you’ve got more than a little of all three.
Kids are way expensive. I’m 21 right now and maybe I’ll change my mind in the future, but right now the only way that I would have a kid is by mistake. I think this is how a lot of men have kids. They don’t really want them, they just kind of happen to come along. I’m very glad that my parents decided to have kids though.
As a mother of 8 (soon to be 9) I have to offer a slightly different opinion on the cost of having children.
I blogged our estimated cost of child-rearing so far in my post, kids are cheap. Granted, much of the difference comes down to lifestyle choices, but the simple fact is that children don’t *have* to cost nearly as much as people think.
KIDS ARE GREAT
Used 2B Childfree ~“As for the environmentalists, you should stop preaching overpopulation to those of us in the western world and redirect your concerns to Latin America, Africa, and SE Asia. Your western citizens are not reproducing at a replenishing rate. Oh, but they don’t really care to debate such issues because it’s laughable to them: children or no children. hahahaha is the sound you’ll hear.”
It is laughable and sadly so. Americans are overconsumers…even when we have intentions on being “eco-friendly.” Your one kid will probably consume more than 4 kids in a third Latin America, Africa, or SE Asia.
If the environment is your concern…you should have been more careful.
Thanks for your probing web therapist act, Aurora. Truly I am filled with self-hatred and spiritual emptiness.
… wait, how can I be filled with emptiness? Maybe I’m like a vacuum, that will suck believers in? That would be kind of cool.
Let’s get this clear. I don’t care about “white depopulation” because a) such a thing is not happening (percentages of Caucasians relative to other races may be decreasing, I dunno, but I guarantee that whites are reproducing at a rate fast enough to replace themselves, and the population of the world is increasing as a whole), and b) “race” is an invented idea, anyway, as you point out yourself. It is not equivalent to a species. The human species is not in any risk of disappearing. Do I care if 500 years from now the world is filled with people whose skin is a different color than my own? Absolutely not. They’re human just like me. Plus, I’ll be dead. Your whole argument is based on the assumption that I’ll be nodding my head in the afterlife at all my non-existent white descendants, but hey, I’ll be insensate in the ground, so I don’t care.
You’re a racist because the thought that one ethnicity may dominate the population is a horrific thought to you. That pretty much defines racist to me.
This is probably more rational thought than you can bear in one sitting before your head explodes, so I’ll stop for now. Let me just close by saying that if it makes you happy to think that my atheistic, childfree ways make me “hate myself,” then you go right ahead. Believers are all about believing whatever they want in the face of overwhelming evidence, anyway.
Oh, and I’d just like to add, Aurora, the “share their tacos” comment followed by the claim to not be a racist is precious.
While I like some of your comments a lot Aurora, I do find some racist. I’m a white woman but married to an Egyptian (moderate) Muslim. Bet you’ll breathe a sigh of relief when I add that WE’RE childfree! No brown babies from us!
(I like kids and people of all races and ethnicities if they are nice people.)
Don’t want kids and I think if people say it is selfish not to have kids, it makes me think they had babies cos they thought they HAD to, not cos they WANTED to. Which sucks.
Have kids or don’t. But respect others’ choices!
Have fun and be comfortable…sounds good to me.
I have 2 kids, number one just sort of arrived (a bit of a surprise) and we decided on number 2. Yes, kids are time consuming, expensive, annoying, painful, lack of sleep and all the rest of it. But having kids is not a financial decision, any more than watching TV, going on holiday, reading a book is a financial decision.
You do it because they are cute, funny and love you unconditionally (at least till they are teenagers).
For the record, I didn’t want kids until the first one came along, now I would never give them up. If you don’t have kids, thats fine too; I need your taxes to help pay for my kids upbringing, just don’t complain when they got noisy in the restaurant.
Jim, let me get this straight, you need my taxes to help pay for your kids, but I can’t complain when you can’t control them in public? OK…
Btw, that Jim in the above is a different Jim than me… I have no kids (I hope!).
Yeah, I figured as much as you get the fancy green line above your posts.
I read a personal finance book once where the writer said that when he wrote up his net worth statement on January 1 of each year he listed the names of his children as assets.
AN IGNORANT QUOTE USED BY AURORA: ” Note that all the happily child-free people who have posted here either don’t say their age or describe themselves as being in their 20’s or 30’s. Ask a childless 60-year-old woman if she made the right decission.” AND “WHITE PEOPLE ARE SELF-ELIMINATING AND WILL DIE OUT IN 200 YEARS MAX.All you child-free people, if you think you are fighting overpopulation, helping the environment, and saving money for your retirement, guess again; as your refusal to reproduce at replacement levels forces America to let in more immigrants so that retirees will not outnumber working people, the future Latino majority will breed like rabbits, destroy the environment, and tax away every dollar you manage to save. Just pray they’ll be kind enough to share some tacos with childless and penniless old white people.”
I am a childless SIXTY-TWO year old married woman. AURORA….. Give me a break, darling. You sound like a bitter, racist, self-ritous, woman. I love kids. I love my nieces, but I decided against having my own because it felt right in my heart. My husband of 39 years has always been my number one priority and I his. We chased our dreams of travel and a very simple and comfortable life, over our option of creating children. What have I gained from this decision? Do I regret it? NOT AT ALL.We did what was right for sure. I am not a lonely, helpless little old woman like childed people in their twenties and thirties said I would be. I have two wonderful sisters and five beautiful nieces,one of which is ready to have her first child
My husband is still the number one focus in my life. We were never wealthy.We earned an average income of about $45,000 a year through our marriage. Yet….We have managed to save a little over one million dollars for our retirement, pay for two of my nieces to go to college ( one of them got a scholarship and the other two decided against college), and travel to wherever we have wanted, whenever we have wanted. We often throw get togethers and parties at our ranch with many of our friends ( childed and unchilded/ white,african-american,Latina, we have them all). So, for all of the people who are thinking about remaining childless…. you will probably NOT become a lonley old woman. Especially if you keep your head on straight, save for retirement,help and give to others in need, and just generally be a good all around person.
well to all of you people not wanting to have kids, its better. cause i suppose, the way u were raised made u feel like no kid should go through what u did. usually also people tend to repeat their parents mistakes..so if ur parents were horrible in raising u, there is a big possibility u will be really bad in raising kids too. kids that arent fun to be with, kids that grow up to be ultimate snobs or drags in the society.
its easy to make kids, but to raise one that is a fit person in terms of mentally , etc is difficult.
@ Anonymous – Your story is very heartening as I feel as I am of your mindset. Having children should be a personal choice, not one to further the proliferation of the “race”.
I, for one, could take kids or leave them. I feel obligated, though, to produce a couple just so I can recoup some of the social security I have put in all these years. Keep breeding for the sake of social security solvency!!!
Lise wrote:
“Thanks for your probing web therapist act, Aurora. Truly I am filled with self-hatred and spiritual emptiness.
… wait, how can I be filled with emptiness? Maybe I’m like a vacuum, that will suck believers in? That would be kind of cool. “
Lise, YOU are the one who used the phrase “filled with… emptiness”. I wrote “Why? Self-hatred? Cynicism? Spiritual emptiness?”. See? I didn’t write “filled with”. Keep trying and someday you may achieve wit.
Lise wrote:
“Let’s get this clear. I don’t care about “white depopulation” because a) such a thing is not happening (percentages of Caucasians relative to other races may be decreasing, I dunno, but I guarantee that whites are reproducing at a rate fast enough to replace themselves”
WHITE DEPOPULATION IS HAPPENING.
The White American birthrate is falling and if current trends continue will be below 2 children per woman (enough to replace her and the father) within a few years. Eastern Europe does not have reliable statistics on birthrates. The White Western European population is ALREADY below replacement levels in every Western European country except France. If current trends continue, the Danes, the Dutch, and the Italians will be extinct in less than 150 years. If current trends continue, Western Europe will be overwhelmingly Arab/Muslim by the year 2100 which is the meaning of the term “Eurabia”.
Lise wrote:
“b) “race” is an invented idea, anyway, as you point out yourself.”
RACE IS REAL.
I said race is a human characteristic, not an “invented” characteristic. Race is real; there are now DNA ethnicity tests that reveal your exact ethnicity down to the smallest percentage. For instance, Oprah Winfrey learned she is 90% Liberian, 8% Native American (I can’t remember which tribe), and 2% Asian. The politically correct “Race does not exist” fantasy has been scientifically disproven.
Lise wrote:
It is not equivalent to a species.
I didn’t say race is equivalent to species. Human races are subspecies. Claiming that all humans are the same regardless of race is as ludicrous as claiming that a poodle is the same as a pit bull.
Your whole argument is based on the assumption that I’ll be nodding my head in the afterlife at all my non-existent white descendants, but hey, I’ll be insensate in the ground, so I don’t care.
Where did I say anything about an “afterlife”? No, “spritual” is not a synonym for “religious”. Where did I say you, Lise, care if whites die out?
Lise wrote:
You’re a racist because the thought that one ethnicity may dominate the population is a horrific thought to you.
I am horrified not by “domination” but by EXTINCTION. Yes, I do think white people and white culture have value and are worth preserving.
This is probably more rational thought than you can bear in one sitting before your head explodes, so I’ll stop for now.
Please quote ONE sentence I posted that is not “rational thought”.
Believers are all about believing whatever they want in the face of overwhelming evidence, anyway.
Where did I say I am a “believer”? You are putting so many words in my mouth that I never said that I am wondering if you have a reading comprehension problem or maybe you just imagine things that aren’t there.
One thing you said that I agree with: “Believers *in the idea that race does not exist* are all about believing whatever they want in the face of overwhelming evidence, anyway.”
Lise wrote:
Oh, and I’d just like to add, Aurora, the “share their tacos” comment followed by the claim to not be a racist is precious.
Are you trying to pretend Latinos don’t eat tacos?
Athena wrote:
While I like some of your comments a lot Aurora, I do find some racist. I’m a white woman but married to an Egyptian (moderate) Muslim. Bet you’ll breathe a sigh of relief when I add that WE’RE childfree! No brown babies from us!
I already said this but apparently nobody noticed: I’m not white.
I have no problem at all with “brown babies”. I have a problem with a future without white babies. Is the difference really so hard to understand?