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How to Get Burglars to Rob Your House

Being robbed is almost never a good thing. The idea of someone breaking into your home, rummaging through your stuff, and taking all the choice bits… it’s unpleasant. Most people who have been robbed will tell you that the worst part isn’t the loss of stuff, that can be replaced, but the loss of their feeling security. But what if you wanted to be robbed?

Why would you want to be robbed? Let’s say you wanted to sell all of your possessions. How long would that take? A week? A month? Imagine if you could sell it all in one day for $500? Would you do it? If the answer is yes and you have insurance, skip the pleasantries and just get robbed!

Anything of value will be gone, you won’t even need to pack it, and you’re only on the hook for the deductible. Think of it like a non-traditional garage sale. So how do you entice a burglar to come rob your house? It’s remarkably easy!

Leave Valuables in Plain Sight

Push your expensive television by the window so people who walk by can see it. There’s a reason why stores put their best stuff in the window displays, to entice shoppers. Take a page from the department store playbook and make your home an attractive prospect for “shoppers” passing by. Robbers hate going into a home and finding out the TV is one of those heavy tube TVs from the 90s. Make sure you put your new light LCD by the window and, for good measure, tape one of those new iPods to it.

Take No Precautions When Away

If you go on any long vacations, anything longer than a week, don’t stop your mail. Don’t ask your neighbors to mow your lawn or take flyers from your door or mailbox. Burglars look for signs that a home has been unoccupied for a long time and the two telltale signs are an uncut lawn and leftover flyers or mailings, make sure you don’t take steps to hide the fact that you’re away.

If you are planning no trips in the future, just go for a long weekend and leave some junk lying around. Flyers stuck in the door plus an LCD in the window… that’s a doorbuster if I’ve ever heard of one.

Hide A Spare Key

No one likes a broken window or a busted door. Burglars know they’re noisy and messy, homeowners know it’s an unnecessary expense. So leave a key hidden somewhere nearby. The best places are under large conspicuous rocks near the door or underneath the doormat. There’s no sense forcing a robber to break a window or kick down a door, those are expensive to replace. Leave a key someplace convenient and you can spare yourself the heartache of paying for a new window or door.

Leave A Note

Just stepping out for a minute? Waiting on a package but you’re not going to be home? Leave a note to say when you’ll be back, that way thieves will know how much time they have. Oh, gone to the store and you’ll be back around 5:00 PM? Awesome, better snatch what I can before 4:45… or better yet, 4:55 since you’ll probably be late with traffic and all. Just don’t be early, you want to give the shoppers as much time to browse without having them feel rushed.

Leave a Status Update

It seems innocuous right? “Hey everyone, going to the beach for the weekend!” is just a note to your friends that you’re going to the beach and they’re staying at home (nyah nyah!). Unfortunately, it’s also an invitation for a burglar to come rob you. How many people do you trust on your Facebook friends list? What about on Twitter, where anyone can see your messages? Do you have your name listed on your account? How about the city and state you live in? This is especially important if you have some unsavory characters on your friend’s list from Mafia Wars.

If you do all of the things on this list, you are almost guaranteed to get robbed. If you aren’t robbed, there are only two reasons: 1) you live in too nice an area, and/or, 2) you don’t own anything worth stealing. In either case, unfortunately you may have to go with one of the more traditional ways of getting rid of your stuff [3].

(Photo: Bonard [4])