As more and more people have their own extended lives between leaving their parents and getting married this kind of thing will become less and less common.

It is, I think, a healthy way to have “your” money and buy presents without having the other person see where you are shopping. It also helps us budget our personal fun expenses.

For us, it’s more a matter of ‘you track your spending and I’ll track mine’. That way neither of us has to figure out what that $7.56 charge from walmart was for. We each have our own budget with vastly different methods. Most of the time, we work on our budgets at the same time and discuss progress, goals, etc. while we work. Just like a joint couple, we work to mesh out joint and individual goals.

Another point is that separate doesn’t mean you don’t trust the other person. It means you trust them in a different way. Joint means you need trust the other to not spend or steal all the money, to stick to a budget together, and to work with you to get things done. Separate means you trust them to be open with you, to manage their money smartly, to be self sufficient, and also to work together to get things done.

I think most people assume that separate means you’re each on your own, but that’s not true. It can, but it shouldn’t. Separate finances can be a symptom of relationship problems, but it’s not the cause. In a solid, healthy relationship, you should be able to use either joint or separate finances without any problems.

That said, we split everything 50/50. I like it, because I have a bit of a hang up for always being responsible for myself and pulling my own weight.

We split the financial responsibilities. I’m responsible for keeping the household budget and making sure we’re within it, since I’m usually the one buying stuff. He does the monthly checkbook balancing. I track the overall portfolio performance and manage that, while he does most of the stock research. We both agree on budgets and portfolio allocation.

Twenty years later, both our kids are in college (paid for by us, since X still won’t pay for anything), and I’ve retired from the business. We’re in a different place now, and when we move in a few months, we’re going to be consolidating accounts to make things a bit simpler. I’ll still keep a separate small account and one credit card, since those pre-date my marriage and I’ve had older female relatives learn the hard way that women’s credit disappears in marriage if you don’t keep something separate active. I use the personal account for internet purchases (so if anyone gets the account info they don’t have access to very much money) and little things.

Separate finances worked for us for a long time. I think combining finances will work for us as well. The key doesn’t seem to be how many or how few accounts you have, it’s whether you can agree to live within your means.

We live together in ‘my’ house and share expenses, but keep our accounts separate. I have less income, but no debt. He is self-employed and has debt related to his divorce & business.

I pay certain expenses & he pays others, each from our own accounts. I don’t know that I could ever totally combine finances, or whether he could for that matter, even if we were to marry someday.

It is not a matter of trusting HIM, rather not trusting the law to protect me. Living in a community property state and having been stuck with my ex-husband’s debt, I will always be cautious about handling my own finances.

What we are doing works for us at this point, and when it doesn’t we can make a change, if needed.