Comments on: Your Take: Joint or Separate Coupled Finances?

By: Cookie

Cookie — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 15:18:44 +0000

Salladin may come from a culture where only children would “ask” a woman for anything. He may find a relationship with a woman where they are actual partners unacceptable. We aren’t all raised the same. Sometimes these arguments are really arguing religion and cultural values. There is no winning in arguing religion or politics.

By: T.

T. — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 21:38:11 +0000

What matters isn’t who pays what bills, what matters is your feelings about it. We had separate accounts for years and it was fine. Now we have combined accounts and it’s fine. Both ways, we were always a team.

One thing that might help is putting it all together on a spreadsheet just to be able to see it all as one big picture. Then you can talk to him about specifics (like “we’re paying more in bank fees by keeping everything separate” or “if we combine these 2 CDs, we can get a higher interest rate”), rather than “we’re not in partnership, you have trust issues”, which he may be hearing as an accusation, not a desire to move toward something else.

Just a thought.

By: Cristina

Cristina — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 19:41:18 +0000

My husband and i just got married, before marriage our finances is seperate, now that we are married, our finances is still married, he pays for most of the bills and i handle most of the bills seperately too.
it bothers me that he wants to keep the finances seperate, to some degree i feel hurt due to the fact that he may have trust issues. i am considering talking for counceling over this because i do not know what to do, i have approaced him about his but he doesnt seem to do anything about it hence he wants to keep the finances seperate. for the most part i dont feel we are in partnership, whats his is his and whats mine is mine, most of the time when he talks he says mine, not ours. it hurts but what can i do. any suggestions?

By: daemondust

daemondust — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 23:11:00 +0000

Funny thing about pre-nups… from talking with lawyers about whether my fiancée and I should have some drafted, a lot of people want one that basically says what the law does about marriage properties without realizing it’s a pointless document.

By: daemondust

daemondust — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 23:08:36 +0000

I give myself an “allowance” for frivolous purchases. How does that make me a child? Yes, you could word it as me budgeting it, but an allowance is a much more fitting term in my mind.

By: daemondust

daemondust — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 23:06:33 +0000

I think a lot of the only-having-join-accounts mentality spurs from the newlyweds going from their parents’ houses to their own with very little in between. It’s the same as traditional wedding gifts being household items.

As more and more people have their own extended lives between leaving their parents and getting married this kind of thing will become less and less common.

By: daemondust

daemondust — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 23:03:08 +0000

My fiancée and I both have individual bank accounts, and we have joint. It seems like a pretty good mix so far, and probably won’t change much when we get married. There’s enough of an age and choice of profession difference that I’m done with school (for now) and she still has another 10 years ahead of her. We’ll mostly be living off my income for the foreseeable future, so I’m paying the bills and making the budgets.

By: Ann

Ann — Mon, 18 May 2009 03:56:35 +0000

Well said Olivia. My husband and I do the same. I couldn’t have said it better.

By: rosemarie

rosemarie — Mon, 18 May 2009 01:57:41 +0000

What’s the best way to handle finances and to budget expenses. Who should handle finances? It is more recommended to handle it separately if both have strong opinions about money?

By: Rob O.

Rob O. — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 12:44:16 +0000

I’m kinda late to this discussion, but my take is pretty simple: if you can’t (or just don’t) trust your spouse with your money, why on God’s green Earth would you trust him/her with your life? Money is fleeting – the other stuff lasts forever.

By: Chris R.

Chris R. — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 23:37:01 +0000

As you see from my above post my wife and I do have our Adult Allowance accounts. We call it our “Private” accounts. I payed for my pool table and netflix and such from this account. I will also use this account whenever I put an item on credit. If I cannot pay off my credit at the end of the month with my “Private” account, then I don’t use the card.

It is, I think, a healthy way to have “your” money and buy presents without having the other person see where you are shopping. It also helps us budget our personal fun expenses.

By: Slinky

Slinky — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 22:13:14 +0000

I seem to be in the minority here with separate finances. The first thing I want to point out is that it doesn’t mean we don’t work as a team. We both know the others situation, the amount of debt, savings, investments, etc. If he needed help, I’d be right there backing him up, and vice versa. We’re still in this together.

For us, it’s more a matter of ‘you track your spending and I’ll track mine’. That way neither of us has to figure out what that $7.56 charge from walmart was for. We each have our own budget with vastly different methods. Most of the time, we work on our budgets at the same time and discuss progress, goals, etc. while we work. Just like a joint couple, we work to mesh out joint and individual goals.

Another point is that separate doesn’t mean you don’t trust the other person. It means you trust them in a different way. Joint means you need trust the other to not spend or steal all the money, to stick to a budget together, and to work with you to get things done. Separate means you trust them to be open with you, to manage their money smartly, to be self sufficient, and also to work together to get things done.

I think most people assume that separate means you’re each on your own, but that’s not true. It can, but it shouldn’t. Separate finances can be a symptom of relationship problems, but it’s not the cause. In a solid, healthy relationship, you should be able to use either joint or separate finances without any problems.

By: Slinky

Slinky — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 21:30:43 +0000

If it’s a healthy relationship with two responsible adults, yes they would. In my own case, that offer of assistance is implicit and understood. Separate finances is simply another way of managing the books. It doesn’t mean that the couple is any less of a team.

By: Slinky

Slinky — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 21:08:57 +0000

I’ll give a non-answer to your question and say that it should be whatever the couple can agree and be happy with.

That said, we split everything 50/50. I like it, because I have a bit of a hang up for always being responsible for myself and pulling my own weight.

By: Slinky

Slinky — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 21:00:20 +0000

You are the only one I’ve ever heard of to share this view with me! The only difference is the direction the money flows. Otherwise, it works out the same.