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Your Take: Married Women Outearning Husbands
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An MSNBC article this week discussed how women are increasingly earning more than their husbands. Twenty years ago, 17.8% of women outearned their husbands. In 2007, 25.9% outearned their husbands if they both worked and 33.5% of married women outearned their husbands period. It’s estimated that the percentage bas probably jumped because of all the jobs lost in the recession, it’s estimated that nearly 75% were held by men.
The Shriver Report conducted a survey and found that 65.3% of women and 61.2% of men were comfortable with women earning more than men. I want to know, what do you think?
I’m totally comfortable with married women earning more than their husbands. The key question is whether I’d be comfortable with my wife outearning me. I’d like to say I’m pragmatic and I’d be OK with it, but I have no idea and wouldn’t know until the situation presented itself. My guess is that I would be OK with it because I view our relationship as a partnership, an “us against the world” rather than a race only one of us can win. I’m never going to secretly hope she fails, that’s just stupid.
However, I also have a lot of pride. I fully recognize it’s sexist to think that the breadwinner of the family is the man, but part of how I was raised was that I am responsible for my family. If I was out of work and Martha were the sole breadwinner, it would bother me not because she’s outearning me, but because I’m not earning. When I think about it that way, it really has nothing to do with her earning more… so I imagine I’d be fine with it. 
One thing I do know, it’s about time we eliminated the income tax marriage penalty. The income tax marriage penalty is the name given to the fact that the income tax brackets for Married Filing Jointly aren’t twice that of the income tax brackets for Single filers. If men and women are equal, why don’t the tax brackets reflect that? The MFJ bracket stops being double the Single filer bracket starting in the 25% bracket. I think it’s about time we adjust that to reflect both reality and equality.
What are you thoughts on married women outearning men?
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Personally for me it doesn’t matter. I would love it if my wife were outearning me, she isn’t, but it would be great. Of course I also wouldn’t mind being a SAHD either.
I think you are right about the scariest part not being earning less but not earning anything at all.
Yeah, but what about the housewives/househusbands who don’t earn an income? I think the Married Filing Jointly take them into account.
My wife has outearned me for about the last fifteen years. It doesn’t bother me at all. I would, however, like to catch up or pass her up at some point, as it would leave more money in the common “pot” for us to have more fun!
There have been several periods when my wife earned more than I did. The only time it really bothered me was when we were newly married. I was unemployed for two months and we had decided I wouldn’t look for work because of an upcoming extended international trip. It was definitely due to my feeling like I wasn’t contributing than being uncomfortable with my wife’s success. Also I was rather young (19) and guys are taught growing up that they are to be providers. I suspect that this is probably the most common case.
I earn more than my husband, about 30% more. He’s fine with it, knows that I have a certain amount of drive and ambition. I measure myself against me, not him. He does the same.
We are in very different careers and have opposite personalities too. He’s in sales; I’m an analyst.
It seems like it would be a silly thing to argue about.
I have no problem with it. My personal take is that each person should be self-reliant – beyond that, it’s all gravy.
My wife does outearn me. Why would this be a problem, it means we have more money than we would otherwise. Of course, I’m second generation at this. My mother outearned my father for most of their careers (I know because I used to keep their books). Oh, on paper they earned the same salary, but the corporation that they owned got paid more for my mother’s time than my father, despite their similar education and experience.
I suspect that while there may have been some recent numbers shift, this is part of the long term trend of women becoming more educated than men. A majority of university graduates are women. One expects them to make more. In my family’s case, my wife has a business degree while I only have a 2-year accounting diploma.
The big thing, though, is that in families where the man outearns the woman, it’s quite commonly by a large multiplier 2x, 3x or more. I’d be interested to know what percentage of families in each group have that kind of discrepancy. I suspect that most “woman on top” families are, like mine, within one good raise of swapping position.
Why would it be a problem? It shouldn’t be, but many people have the notion that the man is the provider that they object without even thinking.
The same men (and a few women too) probably want the wife to personify the stereotypical ‘barefoot and pregnant wife’ too. (Ok, that’s probably stretching a bit, but not much)
Personally, I’d have no problem being a “kept man” either. Seriously, problems with being “outearned” sounds like pride. And we all now what pride comes before.
WRT the “marriage penalty”, it further demonstrates that (1) marriage should be none of the goofernment’s business. (2) Income tax should have never been permitted in the first place. (3) Ron Paul demonstrated in the last campaign that the income tax could be nuked if we just shrunk gooferment back to 1990 something levels. Argh!
Not a Bible person, I do agree with the 10% for charity. It seems wrong that the gooferment gets more than 10%. I’d like the max income tax rate to be 10%. Then, the gooferment would be incentivized to make sure we all earn lots of money. Now, they are picking winners and losers.
Funny how they are always picking their friends to be winners?
Argh!
“Then, the gooferment would be incentivized to make sure we all earn lots of money.”
Not exactly true. If there was a flat, 10% income tax rate (which is my provincial income tax, actually), the government would have no incentive one way or the other about who earns money, only that total income increases.
“Funny how they are always picking their friends to be winners?”
I think you’ve missed cause and effect here. The winners (as in, the rich) pick their friends to be the government. Campaign finance reforms are needed to correct this problem, not tax reforms.
More money = good, regardless of who is making it. I’d be quite pleased if my wife made the same or more than I do. Not likely to happen in the near future, though.
When I first launched my business, my wife was earning more than me. It didn’t really bother me.
As to the “marriage penalty,” for many couples, their total tax burden goes down when they get married. It’s only a penalty when each partner earns a similar amount of income and when their total taxable income exceeds $137,050.
My wife has always outearned me during our 25 years of marriage by a factor of 2:1. (Serves me right for going into the low-paying profession of journalism!) Early-on in our marriage, we decided that money she earned and money I earned would be pooled and become “our” money and managed as such. She had no desire to manage our day-by-day budget or our long-range budget so I took over that duty, learned about budgeting and investing, and today, we are sitting pretty. Every few months, she asks me to give her the executive summary on where our finances stand and how our investments are doing and I do that. No muss, no fuss!
As far as being comfortable with it, I think if the family is well provided for, then the satisfaction and pride ideally should come from knowing that you do your job to the best of your ability, instead of from your incomes.
I have read several pieces noting that this recession has affected men and their jobs much more than women, so I believe this trend has only become more pronounced in the last 2 years.
When the unemployment rate growing, I think it is a great advantage that women are making more than before, which can help compensate if the husband loses his job. Income diversification, if you will.
Are you kidding me? I’d LOVE for my wife to out earn me! I’d be so ecstatic, that I’d probably take the rest of the year off , go to Vegas, and snowboard up in Vail with the buddies!
Donno if the wife would like that, but she can come for a weekend if she wants!
My wife earns more than me. It’s a key reason why I’m home with the kids now. It’s different than what’s “expected” but I’m cool with it. My wife was smart enough to get 2 degrees and I wasn’t.
Yesterday, I saw another article that said that when the wife earns more than the husband, the husband contributes more to 1) the household responsibilities and 2) makes more of an effort to “pleasure” his wife.
I see this as a huge benefit. Rather than the woman working 40+ hours AND completing the majority of the household responsibilities (cleaning, cooking, childcare), they are shared more equally. …plus she has some fun!
I think I’d be OK with my wife earning more than me. More money would be great. I’m not sure how it would impact my pride or male ego but I think/hope it would’t be an issue.
As far as the ‘marriage penalty’ I don’t think theres any way to setup the tax code to make it equitable across the board for everyone in every situation. My wife currently doesn’t work. When we got married it cut our tax bill. So there was no ‘penalty’ at all so for us it actually was a tax *bonus* for getting married.
My wife already out-earns me by about double. I’m fine with that. I’m in grad school and I only get paid a little. I don’t really mind. We also pool our money into one pot and decide where it goes from there.
I wouldn’t have a problem having my wife outearn me – after all we’re married and I feel like we’re a partnership – not a competition.
On the other hand to a certain degree I can understand the psychology behind a man wanting to feel like the head of the household, to be the provider, and to be strong and respected. I think for a lot of men it’s very ingrained, and it becomes a pride and personal image issue – and that pride is very tied up in their career. When their wives earn more than them, it makes them feel “less manly” or not as good of a provider.
I don’t feel that way, but I can understand where it comes from. Of course it’s easy for me to say this as well since I make more at our household. Not sure how it would be different if my wife did make more.
If my wife earned more than me I’d have to leave her!
Just kidding, she actually started making more than me about a year ago. Ultimately, her getting getting a job doing exactly what she wanted was far better than the extra money that came along with it.
Pride? How does pride enter the picture?
You do all sorts of things to save a few dollars.
If you do that, why would you be unhappy if your wife got a $20,000 (or whatever number it takes) raise to earn more than you?
Think of the all the laundry detergent you could buy if she brought home that extra cash.
Best regards
I would love to see the marriage penalty eliminated. My husband and I get hit pretty hard by it since we earn about the same amount, and we’re in a fairly high tax bracket. However, with so many people enjoying a tax break after getting married, I doubt there would ever be enough pressure for the government to do anything about it.
That would be a great problem to have
Right now my husband makes about 3k more than me. Last year I made about 3k more than him. It really doesn’t matter. Money is money and more money is obviously a good thing.
I outearned my ex husband for the three years years we were married. Of course, he didn’t have a job and didn’t want one, but that’s a different story.
All-in-all, to me it doesn’t matter. Why so much pride when it comes to money, especially in a committed relationship? I think if a man feels insecure about his wife/girlfriend/partner earning more, he has other issues he may need to work though within himself.
Actually I’m kinda like Carla’s husband right now, but looking for work. Currently following my wife because her career ladder/education/etc will allow for a much higher pay ceiling than mine. In fact just did our 2nd move in 2 years.
And it is hard sometimes. Intellectually I don’t mind she earns more. And I’ve become the quite the “domestic diva” w/ the cleaning, cooking, etc. But then there are other times, like last week, when I’d love to spontaneously buy flowers. And because _I’m_ not making the money, I wont. … Even though our money was always in the same pot, back when I was making more money.
To me its more of being able to feel like I’m -really- contributing. Doing the stuff around the apt is all fine and good, but its not as “real”, if that makes any sense.
it’s about time…i’m tired of my wife freeloading off of me. it’s nice that she makes more than i do.
My wife earns about…well…whatever her paycheck is more than me. When I decided to go full time on this web application, I wasn’t sure how I’d handle not earning ANYTHING. All things considered, not bad at all. There is no envy or weirdness, it just is.
By the way, for all the flat tax fans out there, go ahead and save your breath. The government (which seems to have an incentive to collect ever more taxes), will NEVER go to a flat tax. If you read the research on this point, it is a far better bet that they will increase top marginal tax rates to around 70% or so. Of course, they’ll move the income bracket up to a million dollars or more, but there is a great deal of evidence that tax revenue is maximized when top marginal tax rates are in the 70% range.
I’ve always been the breadwinner in the relationship, by a margin of 2X-5X. I have an engineering degree compared to a guy working freelance designing and decorating sets. Long ago I accepted that I would always be the primary breadwinner, and I’m OK with it. I think this shift will continue to happen since women are graduating with degrees in higher numbers than men.
Oh, and very few couples are hit by the marriage penalty. Based on income data something like 5% of women earn enough to throw a couple into penalty territory. Most experience a marriage benefit, I calculated ours at about $1300 a year.
My fiancée is still in school, but when she graduates she’s going to make more than I do. I have no problem with it.
I don’t see a thing wrong with it, in fact, for some men it may help to take some perceived pressure off of them. I think it just creates more money for the marriage. Just make sure to save a good chunk of it, especially if you are a younger couple wanting to have kids one day. Your wife may decide that she would prefer to be a stay at home mom. So make sure you do not get used to living on two incomes in case you decide one day to live on one, or your wife goes to part time work.
It depends. An average woman takes a hit on her body, and income path after having children. Therefore the average man really should make it their business to bring home the bacon.
Also if you’ve read the Millionaire Mind you’ll see that a very low percentage of decamillionaire families have wives that work full time. One reason is specialization: s/he with the highest income earning potential really should be unfettered in accomplishing that goal, while s/he with the most patience and interest in child-rearing would do that.
Having not worked at the VERY high earning level, I would guess that a man would have the advantage in competing for advancement. Both men and women probably had been weeded out, but men remain in higher numbers. In lower to middle class it might not make a difference.
But whatever you work out between yourselves is good.
I think the bottom line regarding money in marriage, is good communication. As long as the focus is on OURS rather than HIS and HER’s then things will be fine.
In my profession-OBGYN’s-the number of women going into the specialty have outnumbered men for many years now. Unfortunately that higher income, frequently comes with a large student loan debt. So couples have to be on the same page about spending, saving, and money management.
Yes, the bottom line, for everything really, is communication. I think it’s important to keep the OURS mentality strong because its a partnership, not a competition.
I have ALWAYS earned double what my husband makes…I am a pharmacist and he is a warehouse manager…he makes about 50K a year and I make about 120K a year. It doesn’t matter. You hit the nail on the head when you said it is a partnership. It’s not about who makes what it is about how you manage it. We discuss every financial decision and the money all goes into one account and then transferred from there to savings accounts, etc. Jim actually stopped working for 4 years to raise our kids…we have 6 and at the time we had 3 under 2(twins and a newborn) and that was a very sound financial decision…when asked if it bothers him, Jim just smiles and says “everyone should get a sugar mama…I highly recommend it.”
Ultimately it’s about fulfillment, whether you get that from your job or raising kids, you need it to be happy.
I have been outearning my husband for about 2 years now, since I got my RN license. He supported my ambitions for a long time without a word, so when it was his turn about a year ago, I told him to go for it. The only problem was that he started his new business right around the time the economy tanked. I think he minds me earning more because he is not where he thought he would be at this point, not because a woman is making most of the money in the household.
I think that hits the nail on the head for most people nowadays. People, men or women, don’t mind making less than their partners if they are reaching their goals. Your husband only minds because he’s not where he thought he would or should be, not because you are outearning him.
I out-earn my husband – by about 30%. It’s not a problem for us – as a partnership, our money goes into the same pool and, frankly, the bigger the pool the better!
To Gina’s point, the fact that most millionaires are men with wives who do not work is probably more a result of social mores of the times in the past than anything else. Up until recently, most women were not pursuing full time careers, so I imagine this statistic will change quite a bit over time.
That’s an excellent point about social mores, our generation hasn’t had enough time to get to the millionaire status… when that happens I bet that statistic will turn.
I haven’t researched the book, but once you start earning quite a bit, it is a status symbol for women to not work (for both halves of the relationship). I have seen snobbery from women whose husbands make enough to stay at home towards double-earners (or even single-moms). Ridiculous of course.
I think feminism has a lot to do with the social shift. Todays younger, more educated women scoff at the idea of a “traditional” marriage where the husband supports the wife (or, as one commenter put it, being a “freeloader”) I’d be willing to bet that most working wives would love to stay home with the kids and be freeloaders too, if they could afford to. Used to be that one income was sufficient for most families to live comfortably, but nowadays many married women feel they must earn at least as much if not more than their husbands because the family simply carries too much debt. Millionaire wives don’t have to worry about debt, so it makes sense that most of them would choose
homemaking as their full-time career.
There have been times when my wife made more than me. It has never bothered me. I don’t even understand how people can have such a concern, to be honest. It’s like being concerned that their family has too much money.
On the marriage penalty thing, I agree, but the rationale has nothing to do with male-female equality, I think it’s based on the fact that a couple living together has a lower cost of living per person (eg only one house needed) so in effect their income is higher than that of a single person making the same amount.
I think in any couple, you’re likely to have an imbalance in earnings – one person is probably going to make more money than the other. And each couple is going to have to handle it their own way. I can only go by how things worked in my family: my mom’s wife makes more than she does, but I don’t think it’s ever been an issue.
And please, nobody ask which one of them is the “man” in the relationship (the answer is “neither”).
I’d be ok with my wife outearning me. If she out earns me by a lot, then I can retire. Sounds like a plan to me.
I think most of the people who keep up with this site will be very progressive in their answer to the male/female earning debate.
The marriage penalty is ridiculous. Yes, 2 people living together only need one house, but you should not be dinged financially for choosing to live with someone else. I’d love to hear more about how it might have come about and what steps can be taken to eliminate it. Shall I send this link to my congressperson, or is there a more efficient way to initiate tax reform?
I really wouldn’t care if my wife earned more than me. I actually wouldn’t mind it
Right now, I am the larger earner, but we consider the money we earn ours and that would not change if she began earning more than me.
The money I earn is our money. It doesn’t matter which one of us earned it. We are equal partners and don’t apply gender stereotypes regarding income potential.
I earn about 35% more than my husband and it doesn’t bother either of us. We’ve been married for 26 years, and I’ve always earned more than he has. I’m 13 years older than he is, so that means I will retire earlier, and he will be the major breadwinner at that time.
I wish like crap that my wife out earned me.
That would be another 15k coming in. That would be like having no mortgage.
Why would it matter, as long as food is on the table and a roof is over your head?
As a survivor of the Cretaceous, tho’, I hafta say it’s gratifying to see comments by (presumably) younger people that reflect such a radical change from the attitude toward “women’s work” that prevailed in my youth. I was enjoined from studying science (my first love) because it was inappropriate for girls and was discouraged from getting a Ph.D. in any subject for the same reason…and when I waved my Phi Beta Kappa key at an HR exec in an attempt to get into a bank’s management training program was told that they didn’t hire women into that program, but I’d be GREAT in their secretarial pool.
Times have changed. Thank heaven!
The income tax thing bothers me, also: a person is lucky to find someone to share his/her life with and not worry about all the problems associated with being single, and he/she (and the someone)gets to combine two incomes to improve his/her lifestyle, and to top it off, the government gives him/her a discount for his/her luck.
I make more than my husband, and it doesn’t really matter. Both of our paychecks go into the same account and pay the same bills anyhow. It seems counterproductive to be competitive when you’re supposed to be working together.
So I assume all the people saying men shouldn’t have a problem with women earning more, also believe women shouldn’t have a problem with their husband earning more? For example how many women would be happy to have no income or a low paying/part time job, and rely on their husbands as the major income provider? Yeah, that’s right, not many. So why criticize men for expressing the exact same attitude that women are praised for? If a woman said she never wants to be dependent on her husband and wants to pay her own way and have her own income and make an equal financial contribution, she would not be condemned for her ego or for being threatened. Instead she would be praised as an independent self sufficient women who can take care of herself and does not need a man. So there’s a lot of anti-male bigotry being expressed here.
Women today are saying they want to be strong and independent and that means having your own income and not being dependent on a man. Why is it wrong for a man to say exactly the same thing?
If a woman wants to have a high paying career so she can support herself and not be dependent on her husband, she is praised. When a man wants the same, he is condemned.