Comments on: Your Take: Married Women Outearning Husbands

By: Nelson

Nelson — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 05:04:03 +0000

It’s been my experience that when a wife makes more money than the man, that it is a disaster. Funny thing is, women actually have bigger egos than men do about this sort of thing, although everyone believes the opposite. If a woman pays for one year of a man’s education it becomes “well I put you through college”. If she begins to earn more, it becomes “I’ve always made more than you have”. History gets revised, women lose their respect and control (the woman’s over the man’s) becomes the order of the day.

Trust me, men, don’t do it. Don’t marry a woman who has more money or makes more money than you. She will never let you forget it, and then say that YOU have the ego problem.

By: Noona

Noona — Mon, 10 May 2010 16:22:22 +0000

I had a huge problem out-earning my husband. He made much less, and seemed to be satisfied with not getting a better job. I was angry and frustrated. In my field, men generally just show up and say HI and get paid more than I do, so I was irritated that he was enjoying the good life on my “dime” while I was working like a slave…with no end in sight. If I get married again, I would like my husband to earn a lot more. I wouldn’t mind staying home and cooking for a change. But I can’t cook, clean AND earn 90% of the money. Am I that ugly and undesirable? I felt like he robbed me of my femininity. I would rather be single.

By: Stegman

Stegman — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 10:26:52 +0000

So I assume all the people saying men shouldn’t have a problem with women earning more, also believe women shouldn’t have a problem with their husband earning more? For example how many women would be happy to have no income or a low paying/part time job, and rely on their husbands as the major income provider? Yeah, that’s right, not many. So why criticize men for expressing the exact same attitude that women are praised for? If a woman said she never wants to be dependent on her husband and wants to pay her own way and have her own income and make an equal financial contribution, she would not be condemned for her ego or for being threatened. Instead she would be praised as an independent self sufficient women who can take care of herself and does not need a man. So there’s a lot of anti-male bigotry being expressed here.

Women today are saying they want to be strong and independent and that means having your own income and not being dependent on a man. Why is it wrong for a man to say exactly the same thing?

If a woman wants to have a high paying career so she can support herself and not be dependent on her husband, she is praised. When a man wants the same, he is condemned.

By: Kate

Kate — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 21:26:23 +0000

I make more than my husband, and it doesn’t really matter. Both of our paychecks go into the same account and pay the same bills anyhow. It seems counterproductive to be competitive when you’re supposed to be working together.

By: Snoglydox

Snoglydox — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 21:16:45 +0000

The income tax thing bothers me, also: a person is lucky to find someone to share his/her life with and not worry about all the problems associated with being single, and he/she (and the someone)gets to combine two incomes to improve his/her lifestyle, and to top it off, the government gives him/her a discount for his/her luck.

By: gina

gina — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 19:13:55 +0000

I haven’t researched the book, but once you start earning quite a bit, it is a status symbol for women to not work (for both halves of the relationship). I have seen snobbery from women whose husbands make enough to stay at home towards double-earners (or even single-moms). Ridiculous of course.

By: Funny about Money

Funny about Money — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 04:14:05 +0000

Why would it matter, as long as food is on the table and a roof is over your head?

As a survivor of the Cretaceous, tho’, I hafta say it’s gratifying to see comments by (presumably) younger people that reflect such a radical change from the attitude toward “women’s work” that prevailed in my youth. I was enjoined from studying science (my first love) because it was inappropriate for girls and was discouraged from getting a Ph.D. in any subject for the same reason…and when I waved my Phi Beta Kappa key at an HR exec in an attempt to get into a bank’s management training program was told that they didn’t hire women into that program, but I’d be GREAT in their secretarial pool.

Times have changed. Thank heaven!

By: daemondust

daemondust — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 21:54:56 +0000

Why would it be a problem? It shouldn’t be, but many people have the notion that the man is the provider that they object without even thinking.

The same men (and a few women too) probably want the wife to personify the stereotypical ‘barefoot and pregnant wife’ too. (Ok, that’s probably stretching a bit, but not much)

By: Steve

Steve — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 21:03:54 +0000

I wish like crap that my wife out earned me.

That would be another 15k coming in. That would be like having no mortgage.

By: Sue

Sue — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 17:10:53 +0000

I earn about 35% more than my husband and it doesn’t bother either of us. We’ve been married for 26 years, and I’ve always earned more than he has. I’m 13 years older than he is, so that means I will retire earlier, and he will be the major breadwinner at that time.

By: Christina

Christina — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 16:04:40 +0000

The money I earn is our money. It doesn’t matter which one of us earned it. We are equal partners and don’t apply gender stereotypes regarding income potential.

By: Patrick

Patrick — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 13:44:31 +0000

I really wouldn’t care if my wife earned more than me. I actually wouldn’t mind it Right now, I am the larger earner, but we consider the money we earn ours and that would not change if she began earning more than me.

By: J's Mom

J's Mom — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 19:14:57 +0000

I think most of the people who keep up with this site will be very progressive in their answer to the male/female earning debate.

The marriage penalty is ridiculous. Yes, 2 people living together only need one house, but you should not be dinged financially for choosing to live with someone else. I’d love to hear more about how it might have come about and what steps can be taken to eliminate it. Shall I send this link to my congressperson, or is there a more efficient way to initiate tax reform?

By: zapeta

zapeta — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 18:19:18 +0000

I’d be ok with my wife outearning me. If she out earns me by a lot, then I can retire. Sounds like a plan to me.

By: Stephanie PTY

Stephanie PTY — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 04:22:31 +0000

I think in any couple, you’re likely to have an imbalance in earnings – one person is probably going to make more money than the other. And each couple is going to have to handle it their own way. I can only go by how things worked in my family: my mom’s wife makes more than she does, but I don’t think it’s ever been an issue.

And please, nobody ask which one of them is the “man” in the relationship (the answer is “neither”).