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Your Take: Would You Marry For Money?

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I saw this intriguing thread on Reddit posed by a 26 year old single mother with a 10 year old son. I won’t recap the entire thread but basically she’s a registered nurse making $45,000 a year working 60 hour weeks, a 1997 Camry, medical problems as a result of being on her feet (shin splints and other foot problems), but she’s saved up $13,000 for her ten year old son’s college account. By all accounts, she’s very hard working and responsible person. The story continues with her meeting someone on her hospital’s Charity Board of Directors and he asked her out. She wasn’t attracted to him but he was persistent and they went to lunch. He kept giving her gifts that she didn’t want, he pushed her to accept them, she did. She’s not attracted to him but he’s a thoughtful and nice guy. Anyway, fast forward through some high emotion stuff but basically he loves her, she doesn’t love him, and he proposes and says he will provide for her and her son. He knows she doesn’t love him and he doesn’t care. She knows this is an opportunity to give her son a better life.

(if you have ten minutes, I recommend you read the whole story to get a better sense of the personalities involved)

What would you do?

{ 25 comments, please add your thoughts now! }

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25 Responses to “Your Take: Would You Marry For Money?”

  1. Shirley says:

    I read the whole story (it’s a fast read) and then the comments which are definitely food for thought.

    Would I marry for money? Definitely not.
    Thirty-seven years ago I was faced with a similar situation (though he was not quite that wealthy) and walked away from it. Three years later I met and married the light of my life who was in a financial state similar to mine. Raising five kids together was not always easy but we did it together with mutual love, respect and teamwork.

    Now I shudder to think that I could have missed the opportunity to spend these last thirty-four years with the man I love and enjoy so very much.

  2. Frugal says:

    Marry for money – no.

    Even in the oath, you marry to love of your life for love. There is no mention of money. Money can’t buy love.

    Life without love, not the one I want/need.

    • Mike says:

      It can buy some love. Especially if you have a preference for someone who has good financial sense.

  3. Jon says:

    The idea of marrying for romantic love is a relatively new one. Over history, far more marriages have been made for political or financial gain. If it makes her happy to trade sex/companionship for a better life for her child, and as long as they are both adults with clear expectations going into it, what’s to criticize?

  4. So what happens when the kid turns 18 and moves out. Will she divorce him?

  5. Mike says:

    I was expecting to read a story about female vultures that are with guys just so they could milk them of their cash.

    • Jim says:

      That would be too easy 🙂

      This situation makes it a very tough decision. I can see both sides, but I can’t necessarily relate so it’s hard to think badly regardless of what she decides.

  6. Special_Ed says:

    I would do it in a second. You do what you need to do for your children and yourself.

    • Jim says:

      And I totally get that perspective, it’s not about marrying for money because you want a new car or flashy jewelry. It’s because you see it as a way to a better life for you and your kids.

  7. mannymacho says:

    That’s a tough one. But if it never felt right going into it, I don’t think those feelings will ever go away.

  8. joe says:

    She seems intelligent, I dont see why she cant drag the engagement out to see if it does work out – she obviously has a pension for badboys and has her guard up that someone is doing something nice for her. After all, a marriage is a business relationship as well as a personal one. Its 50% business, 50% love.

    I would turn down a woman who had no financial smarts after seeing what poor money management did to my parents. Coming from a low income family into a fairly wealthy personal position, I can definitely confirm poor people put up walls and have habits that make them fearful, suspicious, or resentful of wealth and those people that have it. I have family members who wont accept nice gifts for birthdays and Christmas on the basis that they think they aren’t worth it . A $200 gift is to me the same percentage of my income as a $25 gift they may buy. Probably the same ratio as buying a mid priced sedan to a high net worth individual.

  9. Ron Mexico says:

    To put it simply: Yes.

  10. freeby50 says:

    I don’t see why this would be any kind of desperate situation. She isn’t poor. She is only 26 years old. She has money in the bank. Her son can get financial aid / loans to go to college. She sounds like her life is almost over and she has no options or something. BS. She appears to be grossly underpaid for a RN. $45k working 60/hr is about half the average pay for RNs and in the bottom 10%. She probably lives in a low cost / low income area so her pay is probably fine to support her and the kid.

    She doesn’t need to marry a sugar daddy. She needs to stop dating losers.

    If she wants to marry him then it may work out fine. He’d treat her well and she may grow to love him. But she talks about feeling like a prostitute, so I would really not recommend it. She’d probably just end up resenting him.

    I would consider marrying a nice person for money if I was truly destitute and seriously had no opportunity. But thats probably the only situation I’d really think of it.

  11. Cathie says:

    No. Money is great, but being in a mutually satisfying, loving relationship is way better, if I have to pick. I told my husband that I would live in a tent with him, if we had to. Thankfully, it hasn’t come to that, but we are together in this thing, for better or worse, richer or poorer……..

  12. Sarah in Alaska says:

    This is an interesting situation. She does admit that she is attracted to “how much he cares. [She is] also attracted to his kind heart and determination.”

    That isn’t something to turn your nose up at. She recognizes his good qualities and looks past his unattractiveness.

    There are a couple things in this case that are troubling: she has never had a functional relationship and this one doesn’t appear to be entirely functional either. The fact that he makes her feel like a prostitute and won’t take “no” for an answer regarding the gifts, are troubling.

    I would not marry the guy, because he’s pushy and I see that as a warning sign for abuse. I would suggest counseling prior to marriage so that we could learn to talk to one another. If that aspect of the relationship were changed, I think I would go for it.

    I don’t think romantic love is the end all, be all for a successful marriage. I think it takes appreciation, communication, committment, patience, selflessness, and mutual admiration.

    • elloo says:

      Sarah makes sense. If he is that crazy about her, I am sure he would readily agree to counseling as a couple and individually. Who knows where some outside guidance lead?

      • elloo says:

        So, I thought about it more. Forget couples counseling. She needs solo counseling to find out why she has had bad relationship patterns and explore how to break them to find a compatible partner. And she needs to find a better paying nursing job. $45k as a nurse? Ssounds kind of low. But hey, she is 26. Life is just beginning for her. She needs to find a different door. This guy is not it.

  13. Wilma says:

    I personally couldn’t marry just for the money. There would have to be some thing between us. I’ve had opportunities like this but chose not to pursue it because of feeling guilty.

  14. Derek says:

    Marriage is way more important than money… it’s a commitment for life that should only be initiated with that intention.

  15. Yeni, RN, ASN, BSN, MSN says:

    Dear Bargaineering,

    I’m an RN making 100K/year & working 9 months/year and I too have met an affluent man whilst working (i.e., a client of mine) and I did not “marry” or bother with all of his gifts and status. Perhaps zi didn’t bother because I’m not ill or haven’t any children (i.e., I’m not vulnerable). Nursing in itself is a double edge sword that merits a grand subject in any book and I cannot fault any colleague trying to escape a so-called profession that has a high turn-over rate… more power to that RN! 😉

    Mme Yeni

    • Jim says:

      Thank you so much for sharing your perspective, I know being an RN can be extremely rigorous. I have several friends who are RNs and the hours are incredible.

  16. bloodbath says:

    Yes, I would because I’m more pragmatic than romantic. I prefer being loved than being in love – it’s less emotional and distracting and I make better long term decisions when emotions are not in play.

  17. ImpulseSave says:

    I would wait a little while longer before giving him an answer. Try to figure out exactly why you are not attracted to him. He seems like an honorable and good man – find out what’s missing and why you don’t think you could be in love with him. If you really, truly do not think you can love him, I would have to agree with those who said, “There is no life without love.”

  18. Wilma says:

    I finally read the Reddit article and some of the responses. She’s 26 years old and suffering from shin splints already? I’ve worked loooooooong hours on concrete floors all through the 80’s till now in factories and warehouses but only recently started having leg, back and joint issues due to standing so much.

    I read her article several times and it just doesn’t ring right. In the comments later on she says his teeth are bad. So I’m thinking he has money and he’s in the professional world. You need to be putting your best foot forward. Why hasn’t he had his teeth capped or worked on?

    If this is a real situation she needs to stall giving him an answer. If he’s worth the wait then he will wait. Does he really have the money he says he does? Can he or would he get his teeth fixed and or loose weight to appeal to her more? She’s been dragging her feet all this time so there’s a voice in her head that’s telling her don’t do it. Maybe she should listen.

    • Matt says:

      Shin splints are not something that come on later in life, many athletes get them. And constantly working 60 hour shifts could easily cause shin splints.

  19. Carrie says:

    I hope she does marry him, I think it might turn into love if she gave it a chance.

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