Comments on: Paying Your Way: Rules for Chipping In, Splitting Checks & Buying Drinks http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html personal finance blog with anecdotes, advice and commentary. Sun, 08 Nov 2009 13:09:32 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.5 hourly 1 By: Dani http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html/comment-page-1#comment-284196 Dani Fri, 19 Sep 2008 23:03:11 +0000 http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html#comment-284196 Our friends host a pig roast camp-out weekend on their property upstate. They provide the pig to roast, some side dishes, games, firewood, etc. and most everyone (there's been upwards of 70 people some years) camps on their property and brings their own food and something to contribute. I say 'most' because there are always some who come up to camp and are unprepared with food and other stuff, and don't contribute. The hosts started putting out a 'piggy jar' for any contributions that people want to make. There are still those that don't get it. We bring stuff AND contribute money. The hosts have to maintain and prepare the property and take care of the outhouses and stuff at their own expense. It's just courtesy to help them out with expenses. Our friends host a pig roast camp-out weekend on their property upstate. They provide the pig to roast, some side dishes, games, firewood, etc. and most everyone (there’s been upwards of 70 people some years) camps on their property and brings their own food and something to contribute. I say ‘most’ because there are always some who come up to camp and are unprepared with food and other stuff, and don’t contribute. The hosts started putting out a ‘piggy jar’ for any contributions that people want to make. There are still those that don’t get it. We bring stuff AND contribute money. The hosts have to maintain and prepare the property and take care of the outhouses and stuff at their own expense. It’s just courtesy to help them out with expenses.

]]> By: Robin http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html/comment-page-1#comment-148168 Robin Wed, 29 Aug 2007 03:15:11 +0000 http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html#comment-148168 I agree with a lot of what you said, but I've never seen a tip jar at a social gathering. That's just silly. Also, as a newlywed bride, I can tell you our gifts didn't come close to paying for the wedding... but that's ok! We invited everyone because we wanted to, and it wasn't about the gifts. If I have the money to spend on a wedding gift, I will. If I have time, I'll make (I do needlework) something. If not, I know my real friends value my friendship more than my money... I agree with a lot of what you said, but I’ve never seen a tip jar at a social gathering. That’s just silly.

Also, as a newlywed bride, I can tell you our gifts didn’t come close to paying for the wedding… but that’s ok! We invited everyone because we wanted to, and it wasn’t about the gifts. If I have the money to spend on a wedding gift, I will. If I have time, I’ll make (I do needlework) something. If not, I know my real friends value my friendship more than my money…

]]> By: jim http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html/comment-page-1#comment-102335 jim Sat, 09 Jun 2007 14:42:14 +0000 http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html#comment-102335 I think the best way is to list an estimated cost of the party per person so that they know it's not all paid for, that's what I've seen. I mean people know that stuff isn't free, they just need to be reminded. I think the best way is to list an estimated cost of the party per person so that they know it’s not all paid for, that’s what I’ve seen. I mean people know that stuff isn’t free, they just need to be reminded.

]]> By: Cathy http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html/comment-page-1#comment-102320 Cathy Sat, 09 Jun 2007 13:38:08 +0000 http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html#comment-102320 Hi, How do you let the bridal party know that they are invited to the bachlorette party (dinner & overnight at hotel & possible limo) but that they're paying thier own way? I'd appreciate your input. Thanks a lot. Hi,
How do you let the bridal party know that they are invited to the bachlorette party (dinner & overnight at hotel & possible limo) but that they’re paying thier own way?

I’d appreciate your input. Thanks a lot.

]]> By: JM http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html/comment-page-1#comment-100508 JM Tue, 05 Jun 2007 14:08:31 +0000 http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html#comment-100508 On wedding gifts: There is no excuse not to give a nice wedding gift, no matter if you are dirt poor or super rich. Why? Because you have more than a year to pull the money together. Its a bona fide rule of etiquette that you don't have to bring the gift to the reception. At a bare minimum, you have at least a month from the day you receive your invitation up to The Date PLUS one year from The Date. That's 13 months minimum. You should be able to scrape together a hundred dollars over the course of 13 months no matter who you are. That's only $7.69 a month from your welfare check, Scrooge. Even less ($6.92/month) if you put that in a high yield interest savings account. If you at all care about the person, you should know even before you get your invitation. So you might have up to two or more years. On wedding gifts: There is no excuse not to give a nice wedding gift, no matter if you are dirt poor or super rich. Why? Because you have more than a year to pull the money together. Its a bona fide rule of etiquette that you don’t have to bring the gift to the reception.

At a bare minimum, you have at least a month from the day you receive your invitation up to The Date PLUS one year from The Date. That’s 13 months minimum. You should be able to scrape together a hundred dollars over the course of 13 months no matter who you are. That’s only $7.69 a month from your welfare check, Scrooge. Even less ($6.92/month) if you put that in a high yield interest savings account.

If you at all care about the person, you should know even before you get your invitation. So you might have up to two or more years.

]]> By: sfordinarygirl http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html/comment-page-1#comment-100392 sfordinarygirl Tue, 05 Jun 2007 02:55:27 +0000 http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html#comment-100392 My friend said the same thing about wedding gifts - if it poses too much of a financial hardship she would rather me come instead of worrying about a gift. I came to her wedding empty handed but my appearance meant more to her than anything. I had to take a bus to the train station, get on the train to go home and borrow my parents' car and then drive 30 miles to the church on a Sunday night. It took me about 3 hours travel time because I got lost. But I'm getting her a gift either way ... in the $20-30 range because that's what I can afford. My friend said the same thing about wedding gifts – if it poses too much of a financial hardship she would rather me come instead of worrying about a gift.

I came to her wedding empty handed but my appearance meant more to her than anything. I had to take a bus to the train station, get on the train to go home and borrow my parents’ car and then drive 30 miles to the church on a Sunday night. It took me about 3 hours travel time because I got lost. But I’m getting her a gift either way … in the $20-30 range because that’s what I can afford.

]]> By: jim http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html/comment-page-1#comment-98959 jim Thu, 31 May 2007 18:53:01 +0000 http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html#comment-98959 This is why they're unwritten rules because if you write them down then people will flip out. I'm not saying everything is measured a penny for a penny either, just using generalities. This is why they’re unwritten rules because if you write them down then people will flip out. I’m not saying everything is measured a penny for a penny either, just using generalities.

]]> By: HC http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html/comment-page-1#comment-98943 HC Thu, 31 May 2007 17:50:38 +0000 http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html#comment-98943 This sounds ruthlessly mercenary to me. Yes, scamming rounds of drinks without paying for anyone else's is taking advantage, but I don't agree with all the rest of it. Yes, it is nice to offer to bring wine or something to dinner, but if your host declines, then you don't chip in money, you RECIPROCATE LATER with your own invitation. And for cripe's sake, if you host/attend a wedding with the idea that guests should be offsetting the reception expenses 1:1, then just agree that your circle of friends will all go to the JotP and you'll just send each other $100 checks. [headdesk] You send an invitation to someone because you want them to be there for your wedding day. You give a gift because you want to contribute to your friend's joy. If it becomes about ledger balances, you aren't friends. Period. Does nobody read Miss Manners anymore? This sounds ruthlessly mercenary to me. Yes, scamming rounds of drinks without paying for anyone else’s is taking advantage, but I don’t agree with all the rest of it.

Yes, it is nice to offer to bring wine or something to dinner, but if your host declines, then you don’t chip in money, you RECIPROCATE LATER with your own invitation.

And for cripe’s sake, if you host/attend a wedding with the idea that guests should be offsetting the reception expenses 1:1, then just agree that your circle of friends will all go to the JotP and you’ll just send each other $100 checks. [headdesk]

You send an invitation to someone because you want them to be there for your wedding day. You give a gift because you want to contribute to your friend’s joy. If it becomes about ledger balances, you aren’t friends. Period.

Does nobody read Miss Manners anymore?

]]> By: Tim http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html/comment-page-1#comment-98810 Tim Thu, 31 May 2007 06:38:36 +0000 http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html#comment-98810 i hate splitting checks. we get separate checks if we are among people that we really don't know. if among friends, we don't split checks. we alternate on who picks up the tab, because it evens out in the long run among our friends. most restaurants will let you charge a portion of the check anyways. i hate splitting checks. we get separate checks if we are among people that we really don’t know. if among friends, we don’t split checks. we alternate on who picks up the tab, because it evens out in the long run among our friends.

most restaurants will let you charge a portion of the check anyways.

]]> By: dong http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html/comment-page-1#comment-98775 dong Thu, 31 May 2007 03:25:09 +0000 http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html#comment-98775 A gift's never necessary but if you can afford it then give it. I mean I rather have a friend come then not come becuae they're worried about cost, but at the same time if you're in good financial situation you should give gift. Sorta gift of the magi kinda thing... A gift’s never necessary but if you can afford it then give it. I mean I rather have a friend come then not come becuae they’re worried about cost, but at the same time if you’re in good financial situation you should give gift. Sorta gift of the magi kinda thing…

]]> By: Scott http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html/comment-page-1#comment-98767 Scott Thu, 31 May 2007 02:48:38 +0000 http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html#comment-98767 What about the guy that collects all the cash from everyone's bill and puts everything on his credit card to get the points? Taboo or not? I also like the idea of when people suggest you had a great party and want you to do it again (like Christmas parties and other seasonal things) you should say doing it again is a great idea - why don't we make it a rotating thing? That way you're not always stuck with the bill and the mess and are less likely to get burned out. For example, we hosted a keg race (I know REAL classy) last Christmas as an alternative to the typical wine & cheese party and had about 40 people show up to drain the two kegs my roomie and I got. Now I'm all about some fun but we dropped some real $$$ on those kegs that we never saw again. Hence why we're pushing the winning team to pick two people to host it this year. Thus the legend lives on with minimal hassle. Some people do love hosting though. I guess I've just found myself in over my head with lots of event planning lately ;-) What about the guy that collects all the cash from everyone’s bill and puts everything on his credit card to get the points? Taboo or not?

I also like the idea of when people suggest you had a great party and want you to do it again (like Christmas parties and other seasonal things) you should say doing it again is a great idea – why don’t we make it a rotating thing? That way you’re not always stuck with the bill and the mess and are less likely to get burned out. For example, we hosted a keg race (I know REAL classy) last Christmas as an alternative to the typical wine & cheese party and had about 40 people show up to drain the two kegs my roomie and I got. Now I’m all about some fun but we dropped some real $$$ on those kegs that we never saw again. Hence why we’re pushing the winning team to pick two people to host it this year. Thus the legend lives on with minimal hassle.

Some people do love hosting though. I guess I’ve just found myself in over my head with lots of event planning lately ;-)

]]> By: MO http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html/comment-page-1#comment-98735 MO Wed, 30 May 2007 23:05:45 +0000 http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html#comment-98735 Many of my friends who got married right out of college would even say "don't worry about the gift" or "i know you just graduated and didn't start working..." True friends would understand if you're not working or just graduated and would appreciate a small gift in lieu of you not coming. Many of my friends who got married right out of college would even say “don’t worry about the gift” or “i know you just graduated and didn’t start working…” True friends would understand if you’re not working or just graduated and would appreciate a small gift in lieu of you not coming.

]]> By: Michelle http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html/comment-page-1#comment-98700 Michelle Wed, 30 May 2007 20:56:00 +0000 http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html#comment-98700 Regarding Parties/BBQs - NEVER show up to a someone's home empty handed and expect to enjoy food & drink. Even if you don't drink alcohol, bring SOMETHING as a gesture of respect and thanks. Bring flowers if you don't want to deal with food. Regarding Parties/BBQs – NEVER show up to a someone’s home empty handed and expect to enjoy food & drink. Even if you don’t drink alcohol, bring SOMETHING as a gesture of respect and thanks. Bring flowers if you don’t want to deal with food.

]]> By: jim http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html/comment-page-1#comment-98697 jim Wed, 30 May 2007 20:39:18 +0000 http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html#comment-98697 It's really a holdover from college times... It’s really a holdover from college times…

]]> By: jim http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html/comment-page-1#comment-98696 jim Wed, 30 May 2007 20:38:47 +0000 http://www.bargaineering.com/articles/paying-your-way-rules-for-chipping-in-splitting-checks-buying-drinks.html#comment-98696 Then don't go! Then don’t go!

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