Should Married Couples Combine Finances?

Leroy Brown responds:
Posted: April 9th, 2007 at 11:46 am

I’m of the school where all married couples should combine finances 100%.
If you cannot trust your spouse completely, and that includes trusting him/her with your money, then quite frankly you have no business whatsoever being married. Trust is the foundation of any marriage, as any married ( or divorced ) person can tell you.

Once you’re married, there’s no more “His and Hers”. Everything is “ours” , including bank accounts, retirement savings, home, cars, etc.

samerwriter responds:
Posted: April 9th, 2007 at 12:10 pm

My wife and I combined finances a couple months after we started dating. In hindsight that was probably a bad idea, but at the time our finances consisted of a couple small checking accounts, so it really wasn’t that big of a deal.

Come to think of it, before we got married we also bought two cars together, and 5 acres of land (on which we built our house, though we waited until after we were married for that!)

For us it was a matter of simplicity. We knew we were getting married, and didn’t want to have to deal with two sets of accounts, credit cards, bills etc. in the interim.

Like I said, in hindsight this was probably not a smart idea, and if I had it do over, I’d probably do things differently. If things had gone sour it might have been difficult to handle separating property. Fortunately, it all worked out

LAMoneyGuy responds:
Posted: April 9th, 2007 at 12:10 pm

I am very much in favor of combining. Moreso than my Fiancee. Anyway, regarding the two reasons that you “shouldn’t”:

1. If credit is obtained in both names, it will appear on both person’s credit reports.
2. Not an attorney here, so verify. But the most common form of joint ownership is joint trust w/ right of survivorship. This form is known as a “will substitute” and passes to the surviving party outside of the probate process.

AllFinancialMatters » Blog Archive » JLP’s Weekly Roundup responds:
Posted: April 9th, 2007 at 1:27 pm

[...] Jim asks: Should married couples combine their finances? [...]

zen responds:
Posted: April 9th, 2007 at 2:35 pm

We (being my wife and I) combined our accounts shortly after marriage - she was jsut graduated and job hunting at the time, and her accoutns were in a small bank near her school - I’m with a credit union. I added her to my account, and now all our finances are joint.

I agree - trust is a big issue with it, but I wasn’t aware of the issue of dying (when my mom passed away my dad didn’t encounter any problems - I’ll have to ask) and I’ll also have to look into what LAMoneyGuy said.

Bryan C. Fleming responds:
Posted: April 9th, 2007 at 3:45 pm

My Wife and I keep our money SEPERATE.

It’s not a trust problem at all. She has access to my account, I have access to hers.

She has her money (account) to spend on things she wants.

I have my money to spend on things I want.

Of course we share all the bills.

This works out better for us. We never have arguments over money. We know where we each stand.

Perhaps I’m in the minority here..

- Bryan

Lazy Man and Money responds:
Posted: April 9th, 2007 at 4:01 pm

I’m with Bryan and keeping the money separate. It allows to save on the arguments. If she wants to go out and buy a pink inflatable elephant, I don’t have to feel like I’m funding half of it. It has nothing to do with trust.

Looking at it another way… statistically every marriage has a 50% chance of ending in divorce (or so it is quoted). No one enters the marriage thinking they are going to be one of the 50%.

I can’t imagine why someone wouldn’t prepare for “an emergency” that can 50% of the time?

Blaine Moore (First Time Home Owner) responds:
Posted: April 9th, 2007 at 4:17 pm

We combined our finances. We had already bought a house together before marriage (but after engagement), and once we got married and she changed her name we combined most of our accounts. We still have some accounts in our own names, but our checking account is joint and our main credit card that we put everything on is joint.

One thing that I didn’t consider is the whole credit bit; I probably aught to change the name on some of the bills at the house to hers since everything is in my name right now.

As for buying things and feeling like I fund half of it, that is never really an issue. We talk before making a big purchase and decide if we can afford it or not (I recently bought a $1000 home study course with some of my side-business earnings) and generally just try not to spend more than we have to. Any money that I make I consider ours, especially since she is back in school and doesn’t make any money anymore. Since we only have one income, both commute, and have new school bills and a (fairly new) mortgage to pay, its pretty easy to justify not spending money without consulting the other person.

Shadox responds:
Posted: April 9th, 2007 at 4:26 pm

Are you positive that the remaining spouse loses access to all joint accounts? What happens if there are no individual accounts in the surviving spouse’s name? Do they starve to death?

Golbguru responds:
Posted: April 9th, 2007 at 5:04 pm

Jim, about “If one spouse does die, the accounts with their name on it will likely be frozen until the courts can settle the estate.” If you look hard at it, isn’t that (avoiding the “frozen” periods) one of the main reasons why people have joint accounts (combined finances)?

As far as I know, in a joint account, if a partner dies, the account can still be operated by remaining partner….without any waiting period (or additional paper work). I would say that this is a big reason why couples should have joint accounts…not the other way round.

As far as trust is concerned, I perfectly agree with Leroy Brown’s comment (1st comment).

Easy E responds:
Posted: April 9th, 2007 at 7:02 pm

I’m not married myself, but I was thinking about Bryan’s comments.

By keeping separate accounts and spending only your money on your stuff don’t you feel like your not building a life together. It seems like in that situation it would be so easy to ignore your spouses desires to focus solely on your own. After all it is your money. What if one of you wanted to go back to school, would you feel as though you were paying for her to go to school and she owes you?

I like the idea of sharing money in a marriage because it seems to foster trust and help a relationship grow, based on what I’ve read here anyway.

Thanks for all of the advice.

dong responds:
Posted: April 9th, 2007 at 8:19 pm

This type of decision is always going to be very personal, and there is no one size fits all approach to it. I don’t believe it’s question of trust, but someone else might see that way. Nor do I think by having your own spending account is somehow taking away from building a life together. As always the bigger issue is about communicating well. It’s a problem if someone is sneaking funds away. It’s not a problem if someone has some kind of hobby they like to budget for independently of their partner. I don’t want my partner to feel guilty about spending her money nor do I want to feel guilty about spending money. The guilt should only be there because it’s not well budgeted, but budgeted funds should be guilt free. If I didn’t have a separate account I would be more likely to feel guilty. That’s me.

Around the PF Blogosphere: April 9, 2007 | The Sun’s Financial Diary | A Personal Finance Blog on Saving and Investing responds:
Posted: April 9th, 2007 at 9:45 pm

[...] for Financial Prosperity asks “Should married couple combine finance?” My answer is YES! What do you [...]

Zach responds:
Posted: April 9th, 2007 at 9:55 pm

My wife and I keep separate finances so neither has to justify our indulgences to the other. We just divvy up the expenses and the retirement savings and go from there.

Jessica responds:
Posted: April 9th, 2007 at 10:31 pm

We have an allowance system. All our money is joint and every week we both get an agreed amount of money deposited in our individual checking accounts. This way all our money really goes into building a life together and we have more money to use for our joint life and a set allowance that we can each spend on whatever we want.

jane responds:
Posted: April 9th, 2007 at 10:53 pm

Since there has not been a post from a victim of “trust,” I thought it worthy of mentioning.

I trusted my (now ex) husband completely on the day we walked down the aisle and thought it perfectly fine to combine finances. Four years later, within 24 hours, he had closed all of our accounts, cancelled all of our credit cards, served me with divorce papers, and moved in with his girlfriend. I was left with $27 dollars in my wallet and a house and toddler to support until things could get settled in court (which took 18 months).

Ten years later, and ten light years smarter, my husband and I keep our finances separate. We share the bills and purchases of items for the house or family. The rest is ours to do with as we wish. We never argue about money, and I don’t have to live with a constant fear that my children and I will ever be “left without” again.

Debt Hater responds:
Posted: April 9th, 2007 at 11:11 pm

I’m getting married this year and have wondered how to handle this. I think we’ll keep things separate at first until his credit score improves. After that, I think it’d be best to have a joint account for bills and expenses, separate account for personal spending money and combined retirement accounts, excluding 401k at work.

» Start Your Morning With The Top From pfblogs.org and More on Consumerism Commentary: A Personal Finance Blog responds:
Posted: April 9th, 2007 at 11:38 pm

[...] Should Married Couples Combine Finances? Simple answer: yes and no. [...]

credit card spy responds:
Posted: April 10th, 2007 at 1:40 am

I would like to comment on the credit history issue. There is a very convenient way out - get joint accounts. Both of the account holders are responsible for all the transactions and the information goes to both holders’ credit reports.

plonkee responds:
Posted: April 10th, 2007 at 7:34 am

Its definitely the truth that what works for one couple won’t work for another. Its only a matter of trust to combine finances if you believe that to be so. Personally, I think more trust is required and shown were you don’t combine finances than where you do.

In any case, in the UK, another advantage of not combining is that all tax is calculated on an individual basis. If you have to complete a tax return then it would be a lot easier if you were only dealing with your own income, investments and savings rather than splitting it between two individuals who may or may not be in the same tax-bracket. If you really trust your spouse who pays less tax than you, you can (legally) take advantage of their individual accounts to reduce your tax burden.

The Simple Dollar » The Simple Dollar Morning Roundup: Baseball Cards Edition responds:
Posted: April 10th, 2007 at 9:31 am

[...] Should Married Couples Combine Finances? Here’s another take on one of my favorite topics - this is a very well-written one that doesn’t force an opinion down your throat. (@ blueprint for financial prosperity) [...]

Carl responds:
Posted: April 10th, 2007 at 10:03 am

I agree. My fiancee’ and I keep our finances separate for the most part and divvy up expenses. However we have a couple ‘joint’ accounts that we use for saving for stuff we are going to buy together, like a trip or house or a couch or a dog or something we will both use and agree on. But when it comes to indulgences, its nice to have separate checking accounts, if only for the reason that each is responsible for the balance in that checking account, and will result in less (or no) overdrafts. My parents had this problem when it came to credit cards and checking accounts. My dad would be on business and load up the credit card with hotel bills and dinner out and travel expenses (all reimbursed, but it took a few weeks), and my mom would go to the grocery store and wonder why the credit card was maxed out. It’s just less painful.

pf101 responds:
Posted: April 10th, 2007 at 11:35 am

I’m a big supporter of Yours, Mine and Ours. In past relationships when we’ve combined finances we’ve always taken that approach. We each get a set allowance per month that we can do with as we will without discussion and without telling/showing the other person. This allowed me to buy books or go out for drinks/dinner with friends or whatever without feeling guilty. It also allowed me to buy him gifts without him seeing the bill. But, other than our personal allowances, everything else went into the pot together and we used that to pay all bills, contribute to savings and investment accounts and pay for household needs and entertainment expenses. We also had a rule that if something was being purchased for the house and cost over $100 we had to talk about it first. We both had a tendancy to splurge on art so this kept us in check a bit. It was nothing to do with trust and everything to do with us each having our own money to spend without impacting the other.

Dave responds:
Posted: April 10th, 2007 at 1:29 pm

First my disclosure: I’m married and we have combined funds.

The biggest reason I see on keeping things separate is spending on indulgences - as mentioned here specifically by Bryan, Lazy and Zach. I’d like to ask about the psychology behind that. Given the word choice and descriptions, items you would be buying are outside what is considered normal living expenses : books, trips, movies, whatever. … I guess my confusion is why would you have to justify the purchases? Now before people say “that’s why we have separate accounts, so we don’t justify” I’m not asking that. My curiosity focuses on why one would expect that question to be asked in the first place. Do you think that you should be putting more money into the common pot? Or maybe your SO should be helping more?

At the same time there is a form of … separation. But that’s not the right word. Maybe deniablity is better? Effectively it’s a way to distance yourself from what you think is wrong?

I’m just looking for insight tis why I ask. I know the limitations of my own experiences and always enjoying learning from others. In my wife and I’s case, we both have the mindset of being cheap for item’s for ourself while enjoying to treat the other. This occurred not only during dating but here and now in our first few years of marriage. So if one of us buy something there is definite cause of need.

Another thought that I’ve had about the subject is a different take on paying bills separately. When you pay for a service yourself from personal money, it’s easy to create the thought it’s a subset of yours. If you work in a cube farm think about your computer. It’s not really yours. It’s owned by something larger. But you’ve probly generated a feeling of ownership since you use it regularly and without sharing.

Similarly running a household, or even raising a child, is something that is bigger than either person. If all of the child’s medical bills get paid from one account instead of another does that mean they have more claim on the kid? How about paying the mortgage? Is the house yours as singular or plural?

Given the fact that I won’t, and can’t, say what is right or wrong this is all my IMHO. To those that want their own mad money, I think the method that Jessica suggested might be the best. Give each an allowance out of the a main fund. That way it still provides the central account and goal you (plural) are working towards

And I do want to say that what happened to Jane truly bites. I’m glad the courts were able to ‘repair’ that, its just sad it took 18 months. And I have no answer on how to either prevent that. I think it’s … the inherent weakness of being trusting of another person, be it a husband, wife, parent, heck even accountant.

GeckoGirl responds:
Posted: April 10th, 2007 at 2:36 pm

My husband and I keep separate accounts and it has nothing to with trust. We had a joint occasion (originally established to fund our wedding) but we closed it because it complicated things. I balance my checkbook to the penny and hubby probably never balances his. Sharing an account would have created unnecessary conflict (i.e. tracking his debits because he never keeps receipts). And we both agreed it didn’t make sense to transfer money between the joint and individual accounts to pay the bills. That merely added a step to the bill paying.

So we closed the joint account and kept our individual accounts. His name has been added to my account and vice versa. We agreed how to split the bills and how much to save (retirement and otherwise) then whatever is left, you’re are free to spend how you choose. However, neither of us makes big purchases without talking to the other. We didn’t agree to this (re the large purchases) but that’s just how things fell into place because we are one unit, regardless of how many accounts we have or how they’re labelled.

Debbie responds:
Posted: April 10th, 2007 at 4:42 pm

I think it’s easier to have some accounts separate such as a checking account and credit cards as described above–so when you’re paying for things separately, you can do so safely without being perfectly up-to-date on what your spouse is spending.

Also, if one credit card is stolen or one ATM card is blocked or you have any other kind of problem with one account, you have a back-up account. (Yes, I recommend having some of your accounts with different companies.)

People talk about how when you get married you become one and so you should have one house, one refrigerator, one bed, one checking account. But they forget that although you are now one family, you are still two people. No one says you should have one car, one cell phone, one winter coat, or one pair of glasses.

So I think finances fall in that grey area where it’s easier for some couples to share and easier for other couples to have division of labor.

Mr Credit Card responds:
Posted: April 10th, 2007 at 11:49 pm

Actually the most important thing to consider is actually estate planning. Simply having a regular “I love You” will where you leave your spouse with all your assets upon death (and your spouse having a mirror will) may result in more estate taxes upon the second couple’s death than the if proper planning through a bypass trust or tax shelter trust. However, joint accounts cannot be transferred to a bypass trust. Hence, if you speak to an estate attorney and decide to set up a bypass trust, you will be told to retitle your assets so you can transfer the assets into the trust (all for the purpose of saving on estate taxes and leaving more money for your children).

Eric responds:
Posted: April 11th, 2007 at 12:52 am

The probate issue is a problem for separate accounts. Joint accounts generally have “right of survivorship” giving both parties 100% access to all funds even after the death of one without involvement of the probate system.

For separate accounts you can also look into Payable on Death (POD) paperwork. This also avoids probate. Once the paperwork is signed ( and can be changed at any time ) the beneficiary just needs to show death of the account holder and prove their identity and they will give you the funds.

So I would say it’s a wash on probate since either can avoid probate.

Jake responds:
Posted: April 11th, 2007 at 1:30 pm

For those of you who have separate accounts but share expenses, how do you decide how much each person pays? Meaning, if one spouse makes more, do they pay a larger portion of the expense?

Tim responds:
Posted: April 12th, 2007 at 2:22 pm

Good article. Everyone’s case is a bit different and one-size solutions often don’t work completely. We’ve been married for about 2 years now and we’ve kept our accounts separate. We’re on each other’s account, but we tend to stick to the funds in our own accounts when spending.

The higher earner tends to bear a bit more of the bills. It doesn’t help that my father-in-law set up my wife’s budget with very little room for savings. My wife is used to having $X at the end of the month, etc. and then that’s what could be spent (until nearly $0).

She’s currently working on her Master’s (which I’ve been paying in cash) and am slightly concerned that the “return of the money to inventments from which they came” might not happen as swiftly as I would prefer. I’m also concerned about her spending increasing with her income when her degree takes full effect. Her degree is a family investment, it would be nice if it paid some tangible dividends (saving/inventing $$) as well as the anticipated intangible dividends (job satisfaction, less stress, better stability, etc.)

Right now I still need to become comfortable with leaving more $$ in checking to cover her debit card usage before a single account would make sense. I tend to keep my accounts as tight as possible so I can reap the highest interest returns (like 6.00% from HSBC until April 30th and 5.05% thereafter). I’m afraid I couldn’t do that with a single joint account. I also have a hobby/addiction I’ve been working to reduce significantly.

That’s my two cents. Separate for now. Will re-evaluate when unusual expenses (like tuition) subside.

Tim responds:
Posted: April 14th, 2007 at 3:27 pm

i’m not a fan of having everything separate. i’m not a fan of having percentage of pay towards bills. it just highlights something that can and probably will be used in an argument. i just don’t get the what’s his is his, her’s is her’s thing.

we do keep joint and individual accounts for several reasons. joint b/c that’s how we pay the bills. now we have already filed power of attorneys at our banks so that in case something happens, the other can avoid the account frozen issues. joint accounts also allow us to pool our resources for higher deposit accounts. joint also allows to to ignore the his is his and hers is hers issue. she wasn’t working, so does that mean she doesn’t eat anymore, b/c she can’t pay her share of the bills? ridiculous.

individual accounts, to maintain credit histories and b/c we do not want every account being a authorized user account. since we travel a lot separately it makes sense to have separate accounts for credit cards. having separate credit cards along with joint ones means that we don’t want to have too many authorized user accounts. we do have two, one in her name and one in mine where we are authorized users for eachother. this is easier when we travel together. if she is doing something else than myself, then we can both use the same credit account. we donot have any joint credit card accounts, though, b/c it doesn’t make sense for us since you can have an authorized user added. now, we have indiv accts at the same bank and the bank allows us to group both of our individual accounts to meet higher deposit minimums as well. indiv accts also, b/c we have indiv investment accts for things like ira’s. since my wife has relatives in a foreign country, we also maintain a separate savings account there so we don’t have to worry about currency transaction fees. if we area living or working in different locations (i.e. different countries) we maintain local indiv accts, which makes the currency issue easier, too.

megan responds:
Posted: April 20th, 2007 at 7:44 pm

I am married and I came on this site to find out some information. Me and my husband have a joint account but I found out the other day that he has his seperate bank account with some of his extra money that I didnt know about. I’m not a big fan of the seperate bank accounts thing because it doesnt make sense to me! When your married I think that the money should be for both. Especially since we have 2 kids together, what if one needs something or we have an extra bill come up that we usually don’t have and the other person has it in the “seperate” account? I believe its good to have just 1 joint account. Now me and my husband are fighting about this. I told him seperate accounts is for single people but we are a family the money should be used for the family. So I dunno this just might be the end of our marriage because i can’t do the seperate account thing. Family= joint account to me thats my opinion!

Lianne responds:
Posted: April 21st, 2007 at 7:40 pm

I will tell you my story of separate finances and assets:

I have been living with my husband for 7 years, married for half that time. Everything is owned by my husband and held in trust to his adult daughter (including the house we built together and all the contents that we chose together). He is 15 years older than me and he came into the relationship with assets (myself none) but I have been helping him with his businesses for 7 years (he pays me) and even created a business for his daughter (which I have not been paid much for). I have become resentful, and have told him that I feel like I am helping him build a future for him and his family. I feel used, excluded, alone and uncared for.

I have been wanting to start my own business (something I had been developing before I met him) but he is suggesting we do a business together. I can see this would be better in terms of creating a sense of partnership but at the moment am hurt and angry and want to exclude him back.

He admits that he has issues about women taking from him but he gets very angry when I try to explain how I feel and tells me I am ungrateful and unreasonable. I have had some counselling sessions to try to understand my own issues more deeply but I don’t think I can solve this on my own. My only hope for the survival of this relationship is to have marriage counselling but he is resistant to it.

Am I normal in feeling like this? Could any long-term relationship survive this financial set-up? How can I feel loved and cared for when I know that I will be left homeless and destitute if my husband dies tomorrow? How can I feel that we are building a life together when everything I put energy into is owned by him and his daughter?

My husband insist that he loves me but how can I feel loved under these circumstances?

I have thought about getting a job instead of working for him but I enjoy the work I do and it wouldn’t really solve the problem although it might make me feel more independent. I just don’t know if it is possible to build a life together while keeping assets and finances completely separate.

Am I unreasonable in wanting to be financially included in some way?

The Life Ledger » Blog Archive » Financial Fitness : combining finances responds:
Posted: April 24th, 2007 at 3:53 pm

[...] are pages upon pages information on the net about how interwoven couples’ finances should be. And with all of that [...]

Albert responds:
Posted: April 27th, 2007 at 11:03 am

i with the separate accounts, i think it a really good idea. My wife and I had a joint account and it did not work out at all. now we have separate accounts now and that salves the problems of fighting with us about money. I do not think it will salve the problem with everyone, its a case by case thing with all….

Anonymous responds:
Posted: April 27th, 2007 at 11:12 am

Jake, what my wife and I do is she pays for some things and I pay for others. example: she pays for house payment, insurance (cars) and her car note, and her personal credit card all adds up to about 1000 a month not includes credit card
I pay for all the house hold things like gas, power, cable, water, i pay for my car note, my credit card, and other things in the house all adds up to about 1000 not includes credit card for my self.. now we deposit in the the main account money for food and playing, and dates…it does work out really good for us we do not fight about money like we did before. and each person can save as much money as they wont. My wife and i have a bet, we said who ever saves the most amount of money with end 6 month or so will chose we we go on vacation for that year…

marriedwbabies responds:
Posted: April 29th, 2007 at 1:25 am

I find seperate it odd when married people maintain seperate financial lives. Is it really because they can’t maintain peace if they have to discuss spending? Is it really that dificult to combine things? How can a couple, unwilling to create a spending plan together manage any other aspect of their relationship together? Do they keep everything seperate?

Developing the ability to manage money together benefits every aspect of a marriage, because you get practice considering each other and learning to agree. It provides another opportunity to grow and build together and not seperately.

Nena responds:
Posted: May 1st, 2007 at 4:11 pm

Now I am on the fence with the issue because have/am trying both ways. My ex and I when we got together we kept seperate accounts he paid the main house bills and I paid for mine( car, credit cards, etc.) and I also bought the food and essentials for the house. That was ok for a while until his income started going down and I went back to work ( after having a baby….my savings was bone dry) It went from me paying all my bills plus all the house bills except the house payment! Then we would fight over so and so needs to pay this bill or that bill and don’t turn the heat up to high cause I pay the bill or I pay the bill i can put it on whatever I want. Which now is very petty in hind site but it is how truthfully relationships are and what happens. I am now in a new realtionship and getting married in a few months and we decided to combine our money and I am responsible for all the finances due to his “inablilty”. Now we arguements over money where he will go and take half of the money we ahve in savings to pay for the wedding because it is “his”.
I am to the point where I am about to seperate things but because I don’t trust him to pay what will need to be paid and pay it on time i feel like I am doing circles!!!!!!!!!! I have always beleived in one marriage, one union and all is combined but man when you don’t trust the person to be responsible with “family ” money what is a person to do???

seeking advice in TX responds:
Posted: May 16th, 2007 at 6:18 pm

My husband and I have been married for nearly 6 years. I work fulltime, as does he. I also receive a generous amount of child suport each month which is included as part of “my income”. We have always held a joint account until a few months back when my husband decided that we needed to have separate accounts. I am not comforatble with that, but he insists. He says that way we can have our own money to do whatever we want to with it.

I feel as though he is trying to separate our finances to “get his ducks in a row”. He is very reserved. Not very open about things that may bother him. We have had a rough last 12 months but it “seems” as though it has started to smooth out…BUT now I’m not so sure.

Do you think it is just his way of getting financially ready for the big split?

HELP!

Seeking Advice in TX

Lived it in Michigan responds:
Posted: June 1st, 2007 at 1:56 pm

Different accounts:

BECAUSE we keep different accounts we never fight about money…..both our names are on each, I believe it is easier from a bill management perspective and I am the one managing the bills.

I make 55% of the household income, so I pay 55% of the bills….she simply writes me a check when she gets paid. I added it to my account, pay our bills when they are due and there are never any issues. Investments are taken care of, all the bills are paid on time, vacation money is set aside as part of the monthly expenses, etc., etc.

Also, this way I can buy her things or she can buy me things and we can go and buy things for ourselves with our ‘leftover’ money.

It IS the ideal way to manage this……it has NOTHING at all to do with trust!!!

Anandia responds:
Posted: June 19th, 2007 at 9:59 am

I don’t understand the one comment that a husband closed all joint accounts and left his wife with $27…..

I am going through a divorce, and my husband and I had one joint account in addition to several individual accounts. When I went to close the joint account I was told I couldn’t do so without my husband with me. We had to sign a paper and then instruct the bank employee on how to divide the money remaining in the account (which was a whopping $1.23 - I told her to just give it to him).

I will never combine my finances wtih someone ever again, it was a horrible experience. He would constantly buy a little here, a little there, never caring that I was paying bills and just because the account “said” we had X amount in the bank, there were bills outstanding against that balance. Because of this, we were constantly getting hammered with overdrafts. Once, his activity charged up over 15 NSFs. 15 at $35 a pop….that’s $525 in overdraft charges….now that I have my own account(s), I NEVER have overdrafts. Imagine that….

Bill responds:
Posted: June 27th, 2007 at 6:06 pm

Reasons not to combine, “2. Access is restricted in probate”

The only way the bank will know is if you tell them your spouse is deceased. If your name is on it you can clear it out with out the hassles of probate. But keep in mind, if you are the executor, you have a fiduciary duty to pay all legitimate expenses of his/her estate.

» How We Handle Our Coupled Finances on Blueprint for Financial Prosperity responds:
Posted: July 9th, 2007 at 8:26 am

[...] the past I asked whether married couples should combine their finances, knowing full well that my fiancee and I have had our finances combined for quite a while now, and [...]

Micky responds:
Posted: July 10th, 2007 at 3:17 pm

My husband and I have seperate accts yet I have access to his. As for sharing the expenses he earns 80% of our total household income and works an average of 50 hrs per wk. I do all of the housework dumpruns grocery shopping, home decorating and rnovations,meetings with the schools. appointment setting etc. So we believe that the work I perform without wages is equal in value to his paycheck. His days off shouldn’t be spent mowing the lawn. I work 20 hrs outside the home and then the 40 hrs or so it takes to run our lives. I deposit my pay into his acct, he pays the bills and I withdraw whatever I want from his acct. Our rule is simple if we dont have the cash we don’t buy the item. We put aside 18% into a joint investments and we always discuss luxury purchases before buying them. His credit score has increased 111 points since we changed spending habits.

Jay responds:
Posted: August 1st, 2007 at 2:49 pm

Me and my wife have been together about 7 years. When we first met, I was in college and I played in a band, so finances were the farthest things from my mind. I only worked part time so when it came down to paying the bills, or hanging out with my friends, my friends always won. WHen I met my wife, she offered to handle my finances so that my bills would be paid, so I started giving her my paychecks, and she would give me an allowance every week. Fast fwd 7 years down the road.

I now have a great job, a beautiful home, two kids, and 2 cars. Our situation has stayed the same throughout. Unfortunatly as I matured and grew older and wiser, I became more interested in business, investing, and saving, while my wife has kept the same view of working week to week to pay all the bills. We have been fighting off and on about this now for about 2 years. I want to invest and save to open a business, but my wife says this isn’t the right time to save or invest, we should keep paying the bills from week to week.

Now I am not suggesting we don’t pay our bills, but since she has been in control of the money, over the years I have lost sight little by little of what is going on, and now I don’t get to see any of the bills or where we are at. I feel like I am just working and working just to sustain our lifestyle with no goal. I suggested splitting the bills and my wife was outraged. She thinks I don’t think she does a good enough job and insists I will never be able to do any better then her. Since 90% of the bills are in my name, along with the home and cars, and I make 90% of the income now, I feel I should have more control.

After constant fighting, I decided I am going to just stop giving her my checks, get a PO box and have all the mail delivered there, and forcefully take over. I didn’t want it to come to this, but this is my last option.

I don’t know how it is going to turn out. Anyone have a similar situation or helpful insight?

Katie responds:
Posted: September 15th, 2007 at 2:36 pm

When my ex-husband and I had seperate accounts, we had no money issues. No fights, everything paid on time. On paydays I simply told him the amount I needed from him (Half of the household bills and daycare expenses) I paid for my car and things I wanted with the rest of my money, he did the same.

Then, for work, I had to move out of the country for a year. We talked about it, and it seemed to make more sense to have a joint account where all the money went, because it would be simplier to pay the bills.

The first month I was gone, we were negative 400 dollars. By the 6th month, we were 1400 dollars in the hole EVERY month.

I came home in the 7th month, and as soon as I got off of the plane, I held out my hand, and he handed over all the cards, the checkbook, and the debit card. When I went back overseas, I simply wrote out all the checks every month, to whom the debt was owed. For things like daycare which was a set amount, I wrote in the amount. Things such as electricity, I left the amount open so he could write it in. I also wrote him two checks, one for the 1st and one for the 15th for groceries and spending money.

It was a pain in the butt to do things that way…. trying to manage all the stateside finances and household bills from overseas, but I did it. And what do you know? The first month I took back control, we were 100 dollars negative, (making up for the month before) and after that, in the last 4 months I was gone, I managed to save 4 thousand dollars.

Now, the bills didnt change. We had the same bills when I took over as we had when he was in charge of the joint account. But he never balanced the account, and spent money and just kept spending.

Since I was overseas, if I didnt get to the ATM at 3 pm on payday and take out the amount of money I thought I would need for the next two weeks, I wouldnt be able to eat. 3 pm there was midnight here, and shortly after midnight, the automatated bank program would start taking our money out for overdraft. Most months we were at zero balance before paying any bills because of his overspending the months before.

Will I ever let someone else handle finances which directly impact me? Probably not.

He destroyed my credit. Even though the bank was always overdrawn, that was dealt with soon enough when I got control again. But for those first 6 months I was gone, he didnt even pay the bills on time - IF AT ALL.

Mind you, before we had a joint account, we had NO MONEY ISSUES at all.

Yes, a divorce did happen. And although money and finances were not the only reasons, they were a huge part of it.

Mrs. Micah responds:
Posted: September 26th, 2007 at 10:51 am

When combining, also make sure that you’re equal account holders.

My grandfather died and my grandmother had trouble getting into some accounts, because she was apparently a secondary holder. She was telling me this is the only way joint accounts work–which is another reason one shouldn’t just listen to one source. It’s not, of course, but it might be important to talk with your banker about making sure everything’s set up to transition smoothly in the even of a death.

Matt responds:
Posted: September 26th, 2007 at 12:19 pm

My wife and I have access to each others accounts and have joint money market accounts but keep the checking separate. I look at this as no different than having separate wallets. The bills are ours, the mortgage is ours, we save for our goals, but we both disperse money into our own checking accounts much like how we both put cash in our own billfolds/pocketbooks. I don’t worry about her not telling me about something she had to buy, she doesn’t worry about me grabbing some cash at the ATM. My checking account is free (and even in a different bank), hers might cost five or seven a month. Given the marital bliss and peace of mind that comes from that might be the best 7 dollars we spend.

a tour through my blogroll: all financial matters to cleverdude : plonkee money responds:
Posted: November 4th, 2007 at 1:42 pm

[...] should married couples combine finances? - this question comes up all the time. I like Jim’s take because it doesn’t assume that there is a single right answer [...]

kathy Rowe responds:
Posted: December 4th, 2007 at 8:39 am

I enjoyed reading all comments but my situation is different. I bought the house and furniture,all house hold needs. My husband makes alot more than I I feel he could, at present we half everything but it leaves me with nothing, when we talk about him perhaps putting in a little extra so I am not always in that position,his reply is all I think about is money. Am I being unfair. We have seperate accounts I know nothing of his. Thanks Kathy

Geri responds:
Posted: December 8th, 2007 at 8:10 pm

My husband has been deceased for 6 1/2 yrs and all the utilities are in his name, should I have changed them into my name way before? I was told by one of the companies, can not remember who said it, but something about the of something would be changed into a higher bracket. Anyone familiar with this.

Arwell responds:
Posted: December 10th, 2007 at 3:04 pm

My wife(soon to be ex) and I got married a year ago.Her family paid for the reception,my family for the honeymoon.She was considerably more wealthy than I was.She came from a business family and I came from a Professional family(Doctors/Lawyers).When we moved in after the wedding I paid the rent for 6months by myself and all the bills,including most of the spending money.When I asked her a year ago to split the bills with me(oh by the way we are both medical doctors, with both equal salaries),she told me that she does not believe in sharing things in a marriage 50-50.We had made plans to move to another country to further our posrgraduate education then she says that she does not want to have to work in that country?

During that 6months we had opened a joint account where it was agreed that we put equal amounts in every month.However her increments got smaller and smaller every month,while at the same time we maintained separate accounts and credit cards.She made excuses that she had to pay back her father for items paid for etc etc…..My credit card account paid for nearly all house hold items,all the rent, then I still had to put some money into the joint account.She was of the view that the Man must bear the financial burden.Oh I had a loan that I had to pay back to the bank as well.

We are always fighting.To test the strenght of a relationship throw in a Money issue.Her father bought us airline tickets and she made it very sure that I pay her daddy back.

Recently after a six week split she called me,I brought up the money issue and she wanted us to buy a $2,000,000.00 home!!!!!!!!!!.When I asked her to split the downpayment with me,she said that I had to find it myself and she will she if what she can contribute every month.One day she brought out a necklace that my mother had bought for her for our wedding a year ago and smiles at me and said that she finds the necklace too cheap and I could buy a more expensive one for her in the future.(My mother had died one month before this incident took place.Hmmmmmm).

Needless to say I never contacted my wife after these incidents(and there are many more).She wanted to go to a counsellor,I declined.She served me with divorce papers and I gladly(somewhat reluctantly signed).

Arwell responds:
Posted: December 10th, 2007 at 3:09 pm

Somebody tell me that I was not crazy?

Why Should Couple Combine Finances? And How? responds:
Posted: December 23rd, 2007 at 5:02 pm

[...] Finances? The Simple Dollar » Love, Marriage, and Money: Should a Couple Combine Their Finances? Should Married Couples Combine Finances? on Blueprint for Financial Prosperity MsMoney.com - Marriage, Kids & College - Consolidating Finances MyCity.com - Finance Blog » [...]

Simone responds:
Posted: December 24th, 2007 at 10:21 pm

I just got married in September and my husband and I are at odds right now due to this issue. I had originally agreed with him on having a joint house account and keeping our personal account for our own spending habits. (We both like to buy clothes and gadgets.) After 3 months, I still don’t have access to his personal account and because of this, I haven’t given him access to mine. With the holidays here, and still paying for my share of the wedding, I don’t have enough funds to celebrate Christmas and he hasn’t given me the agreed upon amount for this month’s expenses. I am so hurt and torn with this whole thing but he has purchased Christmas gifts for his daughter and family while I have nothing to spend on my son.
I want the joint checking and savings but he vehemently disputes this and only wants the house account. It seems that most marriages (those who have responded on this site) agree that separate is better. I guess I’m venting more than needing advice because we have to decide on this. But for me, it is an issue of trust. I know some of you have said that trust has nothing to do with having a separate account, but it does to me. I want to know that he’s using his money wisely and appropriately and since I’ve never had access to his funds, I don’t know this answer.

Mary responds:
Posted: January 7th, 2008 at 9:45 pm

My parents do the yours mine and ours thing, with access to each other’s accounts, They do it because they both wanted to pay the bills so they each have their own domain.
My fiance and I are about to have very serious discussion about this and I’m in the position of knowing that I come into the marriage with substantially more assets than he has. I’ve been taken advantage in the past and am very war of completely combining because of that.

Married 18 months responds:
Posted: January 9th, 2008 at 4:25 pm

My husband and I have been married 18 months. My salary is approximately twice his.

We have not combined our accounts, but we share household expenses in proportion to our salaries. We each contribute the maximum amount to our retirement/pension plans at work that we can.

We take turns on buying groceries and dinners out. Again, spending somewhat proprotionately with our incomes. I pay 100% of vacation costs and anything else that he would consider to be a “luxury”.

When our retirement and bank account statements come in the mail, we sit down together to review. There are never any hidden funds.

All expenses are paid in cash and neither one of us carries a credit card balance month to month. The only personal debt I have is our house (still in my name) and his only debt is his car.

Most of the time, this arrangement works well for us and we never fight over the day-to-day household expenses.

At the end of the month, we each have approximately one-third of our take home pay in our separate accounts. So here is where the issues arise. Obviously, my “personal funds” are larger than his.

Outside of our respective retirement funds, we each maintain our own investment portfolios. He watches CNBC religiously and buys and sells stocks. I’m not into stocks, I invest my money in rental properties. My properties are purchased by a corporation I’ve created with a partner for that purpose. The investment is always made with “personal funds”, the corporation holds the debt (secured by the property). The properties either cash flow themselves, or any contributions requred are made from my personal funds. There is no way that a “bad turn” on one of these investments would ever come back to haunt him (I’ve taken every legal precaution), but the operating agreement of the corporation dictates my shares go directly to him upon my death. (In my mind, only upside for him.)

I’m currently looking at a piece of raw land on which I would build an investment property. This is a much larger undertaking than any of my other investments. He is completely against the purchase saying “we don’t have enough money”. Actually, I have plenty of money to finance the investment and believe it’s a good one.

I don’t want to fight over this, but I feel resentful that he is trying to direct how I spend money. So, I guess I still have a problem with what’s “mine” vs. what’s “ours”.

What do you think?

George responds:
Posted: February 6th, 2008 at 7:47 pm

people should talk about this before they get married. If you don’t agree on money, that is reason enough not to get married in the first place. I think as long as I have food to eat, and clothes on my back, my wife can do whatever she likes with the rest of our income.

Anonymous responds:
Posted: February 11th, 2008 at 8:18 am

We have been married over 43 years, and we keep separate checking accounts. We both can sign on both accounts, but we never do without asking. This takes care of the “lack of trust” issue some folks have with separate accounts AND it lets each of us budget our expenses without worrying what the other person is spending.

Every year or so, we review the income and expenses and maybe renegotiate where the direct deposit checks are deposited. I, the wife, pay all the bills (mostly because he hates that sort of thing and I’m better at it), but we both have a similar amount to spend on non-essentials.

I HIGHLY recommend this method to young (and old) marrieds. It cuts down on the “you spent what?????” arguments that can lead to so much trouble in marriages.

For the first 20 years of our marriage, we had a joint checking account, and it didn’t work well. Part of it, of course, was we didn’t have as much money to work with (LOL), but the biggest problem was having to tell each other when we spent money so the account wouldn’t get overdrawn. Why should a grown person, male or female, have to justify their expenses to another, even their spouse?

We discuss large expenditures and plan for them, but for the daily stuff, the separate accounts keep life simple.

TK responds:
Posted: February 12th, 2008 at 1:51 am

I have been married for twelve years now. We had combined finances for the first ten years. We fought a lot about money, one of the top causes for divorce. Many couples fight about the new shoes the wife brought home and have hidden in her trunk, the extra money the husband spent on poker night. Ideally if a couple agrees on goals and is given and “allowance” that they don’t need to explain to each other what that money is spent on, it should work. But over 50% of marriages fail as things break that weren’t in the budget and at the end of the week, you’re out of money. My husband and I seperated three years ago and many of our fights were over money, one of the top causes of divorce. Add in kids under 5, one of them with special needs, and in-laws and you have your typical dysfunctional marriage.

We worked things out but now keep our money seperate (and the kids got older!). The “money” fights no longer happen. For us, it is one less thing to argue about. It works out much better for us but not ideal for all.

Used 2B Childfree responds:
Posted: February 14th, 2008 at 2:36 pm

Luckily so far in 8 yrs of marriage, wife and I still have same financial goals and all joint accounts. People say to have separate accounts so you don’t impact the other person, but uh….you’re married…and just because someone doesn’t know you spent even $20 going out with friends, it still impacts the other person because YOU”RE MARRIED.

Maybe people are not as civil as we are. We had our 7 yr itch and were basically talking separation, which did lead to a fight about splitting our finances, but we are both so logical when it comes to money that we stopped arguing and sat down like adults to sort out what each person would get. Anyway, it’s all silly now looking back, and we are both stronger for it. We laugh now how even when on the brink of divorce we were both very calm and caring when it came to the consideration of money, and neither of us worry one bit about it. However, I know most people are not like this so maybe get separate accounts.

And even with our joint accounts, we have an American Express with no set limit, so she can spend what she wants and same for me. However, we both care so much for each other that if there is anything major we want, we talk it over. Otherwise we are free to spend “our” money individually if we want. Like, she goes out for lunch everyday and I don’t. Yeah, I wish she wouldn’t but she has a higher metabolism than me and gets hungry fast. However, I am a gamer and have a monthly subscription.

And yes, I agree it probably takes more trust when there are separate accounts. A little secret ladies: 9 times out of 10, your man wants a separate account so he can pay for porn without you knowing. Luckily for me, if I want porn I get porn. haha

Also, we may be in a better situation than most: both 28 yrs old, started out broke, now over $110K per year, masters degrees, etc. And choose your mates wisely. Yeah, anything can happen like it almost did for us, but you can minimize the risk. If your soon2B spouse likes to spend like there is no tomorrow or is into drugs, etc, then cut loose. Get someone with the same goals while also balancing each other out with differences in personality.

Used 2B Childfree responds:
Posted: February 14th, 2008 at 3:49 pm

To anonymous above, I’m glad separate accounts worked for your 43 yrs of marriage. But a question is, why would either of you overdraw on your joint accounts if you both have access to information? Were each of you trying to spend the money as quick as possible so the other person would have less to spend? I don’t get it. But all of a sudden with separate accounts, you both became responsible and didn’t overdraw…….

My wife handles the bills too. I used to but felt like she wasn’t getting experience with things that seemed so simple like balancing the checkbook. 8 years ago when we were 20. Ever since then, she’s been doing it, but we both plan together.

Anonymous responds:
Posted: February 14th, 2008 at 7:26 pm

I have been married for 25 years and my wife and I keep our finances separate. I would prefer to pool all resources and make decisions jointly but my wife like many of my friends women does not feel she should contribute equitably to household expenses. (I am the man after all) We are both high income earning individuals and this issue has created minor problems over the years. Not the kind most people haveto deal with, but where to park, spend or invest monies, believe it or not even people with major funds argue about money. My wife has managed to stash a substantial amount of money well past the six figures by only paying 1/4 of her income to run the household during this timeframe. This is considered her money and she keeps it in a low yield moneymarket account. I can’t convince her otherwise. I guess I should be happy at least she saves, but it leaves an odd feeling sometimes. Why? I have paid the lions share of our bills and also managed to amass twice as much money with less money investing in stocks and mutual funds over the years. She some how feels that these funds that I have managed to gain are ours. It is almost comical that she does. When I think of the amount of money my wife and I could have right now getting close to retirement if she was on the same page, but it just will not happen. So my goals now are to keep a smile on my face as much as possible. I just brought me the new sports car I have always wanted that my wife thinks is frivilous. I just got back from an Alaskan fishing trip that she did not want to go on, but will be repeated, god willing. I even paid for my dad and took him along since he is getting up in age it was wonderful. I always was the one who had to plan for the future. The future is now! Having amassed a great deal of money separately allows me to do what I want when I want. Life is getting good!

Married With Child responds:
Posted: February 17th, 2008 at 6:33 am

My husband have been together for almost eight years, married for five. We were 18 when we first started dating. To say we were broke is an understatement. We rented a condo together right off the bat and opened a joint checking account. Since then, everything has been joint. There have been periods when he has made more than me, and times that I earned more than him. It all evens out in the end. Our communication is amazing, and we trust each other 100%. We discuss big purchases with each other before buying. Yes, there are times that someone buys something and the other is astounded at first. But we are of the school that it doesn’t help to argue. Maybe it’s because we both have divorced parents, and we are very adamant about not turning out like them. I brought more debt to the relationship thanks to student loans. But like I said, there have been years that I earned more than he did.
We believe that marriage is a partnership, and no one should be keeping score. So we both need to prepare for our financial future, we both need to share equally in the household and childcare duties, and we both need to enjoy each other as we grow older. Both of us knowing exactly what goes on with our finances gives us one less thing to argue about.

Stephen responds:
Posted: February 19th, 2008 at 8:41 am

My wife and I did the Dave Ramsey course about 4 years ago. And while we’ve tailored it to our way of life, there is one thing that has been such an obvious boon to us that I have trouble imagining how a couple could do things differently. And that is using a budget. By that I mean a budget that both people agree on and help create that includes all income from everybody.

That one simple exercise of creating the budget will mean that you have talked to each other about what you want to spend money on. It will show you what is important to your partner. It will give you a way to prioritize and compromise. And in the end you will have a plan you both agree on.

A second immense benefit to us was that, once a category was set (say, $300 for dining out for a month, or $100 for clothes), it is a guilt-free transaction when you spend money on it, because you have already “spent” it when you assigned it to that category. These two aspects of our financial behavior have all but eliminated stress due to any spending we do individually. We each have clothes categories and so long as there is money in it, I can buy whatever new hiking boots I want. So in a way, this gives each person there own money where they need it, to spend without consultation.

I cannot recommend a budget exercise like this highly enough. Just the act of deciding *together* what to spend in each category will help you get on the same page, financially. So, while it won’t solve the issue of not having enough, it will solve the issue of what to do with the money you do have.

Anonymous responds:
Posted: April 3rd, 2008 at 9:35 am

I think the fact that you’re married to a person and sharing major bills (eg, mortgage, family stuff, etc.), already implies trust. Even if you have personal accounts seperate from your joint accounts, you are still trusting the person to not spend all of their money irresponsibly and end up having to live off your joint funds completely. Having all vs some finances joint is not really an issue of trust. It’s an issue of varying degrees of need for personal independence. I don’t want to feel guilty or like I need permission if I drop a few hundred on clothes or a spa day one Saturday. We trust each other not to spend more than we can afford, because the result of that would be a “joint” problem whether it’s from personal funds or joint funds.

Marriage and combining finances | Getting A Life responds:
Posted: April 6th, 2008 at 4:37 pm

[...] was reading a certain blog for other reasons and ran across their entry about whether married couples should combine finances. This is definitely an emotional issue and as a result, people become very opinionated about it. [...]

Anonymous responds:
Posted: April 15th, 2008 at 2:50 pm

Used 2be childfree…you are pretty arrogant to judge a successful 43 marriage based on your 8 year one. One can overdraw a joint account because all things are not written down in the same register, and some may escape the attention of another. She SAID that for 20 years they tried the other system and it didn’t work…and now her new system does. If her joint account scenario happened over 23 years ago…the instantaneous availability of information that happens now was not possible.

As for your supposition that all men would want to buy “porn” with their extra cash…you don’t know my husband…all cycling, all the time. I don’t think you can judge the male of the species entirely by yourself. People have hobbies and even other vices (gambling, alcohol, drugs). You’re a porn man…but not all men are…sorry to burst your twisted little bubble

Anonymous responds:
Posted: April 25th, 2008 at 4:30 pm

We keep our finances separate and I think it is a HORRIBLE idea!! I have a child from a previous marriage, which my husband knew about before we were married and I am the one who pays for everything involving my son (his birthday, Christmas, and especially daycare). Also, his paychecks are bigger, so dividing the bills in half makes it where he has lots of money to spend and I have little to none. It really isn’t working out for me. The only thing that I do like about having separate finances is that when I do go out and buy something, he cannot say anything about it because it came out of my paycheck not his and vice-versa. So it could see it working for some, but you have to think of the fair way to do it and you have to think about every aspect of it before deciding to combine your finances or not.

WhoKnows responds:
Posted: April 25th, 2008 at 4:37 pm

We keep our finances separate and I think it is a HORRIBLE idea!! I have a child from a previous marriage, which my husband knew about before we were married and I am the one who pays for everything involving my son (his birthday, Christmas, and especially daycare). Also, his paychecks are bigger, so dividing the bills in half makes it where he has lots of money to spend and I have little to none. It really isn’t working out for me. The only thing that I do like about having separate finances is that when I do go out and buy something, he cannot say anything about it because it came out of my paycheck not his and vice-versa. So it could see it working for some, but you have to think of the fair way to do it and you have to think about every aspect of it before deciding to combine your finances or not.

debbie mc coy responds:
Posted: April 25th, 2008 at 6:30 pm

Although I got married in1994 andwent on to buy my own home and have been filing Head of Hold and raising my child ssince then. Will i qualify for HOH and single with a qualifying child or just single with Q child?

debbie mc coy responds:
Posted: April 25th, 2008 at 6:40 pm

please advise

Leslie responds:
Posted: May 2nd, 2008 at 9:41 pm

My husband and I have been married for 2 years now. We came from 2 different financial upbringing–he came from a “work and spending more than you earn type of bringing” and “borrow now pay later” type of upbringing while I came from a “saving first before buying”. I also always like to have a stash of emergency funds, while he always like to carry a large balance in his credit cards. Needless to say, this caused a lot of fights and almost “annulments”. And I almost regretted marrying him. To be honest though, this is the only reason for our fights–our finances.

It got so bad I suggested we both sign a Marriage Agreement that we will not hold each other liable for each other’s debts and we will no try to take the other’s assets IF we divorce. However this did not make sense since it creates and “I” mentality rather than a “we” mentality. What happens when we eventually have kids, etc? So anyway….

Initially we kept our accounts separate. And here are the pros and cons of our initial “separate” account set-up:

Pros:
1. We do not fight about money. I only worry about mine and he carefreely spends his.
2. I feel a sense of security and comfort knowing I have savings for a rainy day.

Cons:
1. Because we are married, at the end of the day, when he recklessly spends his money it still affects me and our financial future. (If we get divorce, I could be held partly liable for his debts, too)
2. I also feel resentful that I have no access to his bank account and no idea what he spends on.
2. It is rather awkward when we go grocery shopping and/or eat out since its always unclear who will pay
3. Even though we keep our accounts separate, if we end up divorcing, he is entitled to half of whatever I saved up and I will liable for half of his debts.

So here is our Solution:
1. Joint Account for Joint Bills (Mortgage, Taxes, Bills, Spending, Grocery, Emergency)
2. Separate Accounts for Each of Us (BUT have both our names on both accounts). We trust each other to only use funds from own accounts yet we have access to each other’s account should we wish to do so.
3. Arrange a “date” once a month to go over our “budget” and bills so my husband sees exactly where his money is going and makes him more conscious of what he spends.

It is still a work in progress but it is working (so far) since we both want it to work. Essentially we both want the same thing, a comfortable financial future for our family.