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Should Married Couples Combine Finances?

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Not by default. Married couples should do whatever it is they feel is right for them and their situation because everyone’s situation is different. For me, the answer to that question is yes. Many people always jump to the issue of trust whenever talking about combining finances because they assume that if you trust one another then you would combine your finances. If you trusted one another, you wouldn’t require a prenuptial agreement. If you trusted one another, you would have separate bank accounts and you wouldn’t draw the line so clearly.

The problem with that line of reasoning is that it’s not that simple anymore and to boil down a financial decision into an emotional one is a bad decision. There are many emotion independent reasons why you should combine finances and there are many emotion independent reasons why you shouldn’t, I’ll outline them both and then let you decide which is best.

Here are some reasons why married couples should combine their finances:

1. It’s just easier

Having two of everything is terribly inefficient. If you wouldn’t want to separate milk cartons or egg crates in the fridge, why would you want two bank accounts or two brokerage accounts? The simple fact is that dealing with one of something is much easier than two of something and you can remember one thing better than you can remember two of something, such as credit card bills. By reducing the number accounts, you simplify your life and reduce the number of potential errors.

2. Fewer accounts mean higher balances, better returns

Many banks and brokerages have low balance fees or better rates for higher balances and so there is a true financial incentive to pooling your financial resources. While some of the low balance fees are really low on a relatively scale (like $3,000 for some Vanguard funds), by pooling your finances you have a chance to get in on the investment a little bit earlier. Also, some accounts offer higher returns for larger balances. Again, you can take advantage of this earlier if you pool resources.

Here are some reasons why married couples shouldn’t combine their finances:

1. Building credit history

This is an acute problem for men and women who relied on their partner to handle the finances and then find their lives without that person due to death, divorce, or some other reason. If every bill was in one person’s name, the other person wasn’t building credit history. Now, you might say that this is only a problem if you think you’re going to get divorced but that’s not a good approach because there are any number of reasons why you would be separated, temporarily or permanently, and so both sides should be building a history.

2. Access is restricted in probate

If one spouse does die, the accounts with their name on it will likely be frozen until the courts can settle the estate. This is the second biggest reason why you should at least have some money in an account with only one spouse’s name on it – they can access it during this unfortunate time.

Those are the two biggest non-emotion/trust related reasons for both cases and I think each side has valid points. Now, as we all well know, life isn’t black and white. You don’t have to split it entirely down the middle and you don’t have to pool it all, you and your spouse can decide that you want to pool 80% and keep 20% on the side – remember, in this stage of the game, you decide what’s right for you. Thoughts?

{ 103 comments, please add your thoughts now! }

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103 Responses to “Should Married Couples Combine Finances?”

  1. Jake says:

    For those of you who have separate accounts but share expenses, how do you decide how much each person pays? Meaning, if one spouse makes more, do they pay a larger portion of the expense?

    • Micky says:

      My husband and I have seperate accts yet I have access to his. As for sharing the expenses he earns 80% of our total household income and works an average of 50 hrs per wk. I do all of the housework dumpruns grocery shopping, home decorating and rnovations,meetings with the schools. appointment setting etc. So we believe that the work I perform without wages is equal in value to his paycheck. His days off shouldn’t be spent mowing the lawn. I work 20 hrs outside the home and then the 40 hrs or so it takes to run our lives. I deposit my pay into his acct, he pays the bills and I withdraw whatever I want from his acct. Our rule is simple if we dont have the cash we don’t buy the item. We put aside 18% into a joint investments and we always discuss luxury purchases before buying them. His credit score has increased 111 points since we changed spending habits.

  2. Tim says:

    Good article. Everyone’s case is a bit different and one-size solutions often don’t work completely. We’ve been married for about 2 years now and we’ve kept our accounts separate. We’re on each other’s account, but we tend to stick to the funds in our own accounts when spending.

    The higher earner tends to bear a bit more of the bills. It doesn’t help that my father-in-law set up my wife’s budget with very little room for savings. My wife is used to having $X at the end of the month, etc. and then that’s what could be spent (until nearly $0).

    She’s currently working on her Master’s (which I’ve been paying in cash) and am slightly concerned that the “return of the money to inventments from which they came” might not happen as swiftly as I would prefer. I’m also concerned about her spending increasing with her income when her degree takes full effect. Her degree is a family investment, it would be nice if it paid some tangible dividends (saving/inventing $$) as well as the anticipated intangible dividends (job satisfaction, less stress, better stability, etc.)

    Right now I still need to become comfortable with leaving more $$ in checking to cover her debit card usage before a single account would make sense. I tend to keep my accounts as tight as possible so I can reap the highest interest returns (like 6.00% from HSBC until April 30th and 5.05% thereafter). I’m afraid I couldn’t do that with a single joint account. I also have a hobby/addiction I’ve been working to reduce significantly.

    That’s my two cents. Separate for now. Will re-evaluate when unusual expenses (like tuition) subside.

  3. Tim says:

    i’m not a fan of having everything separate. i’m not a fan of having percentage of pay towards bills. it just highlights something that can and probably will be used in an argument. i just don’t get the what’s his is his, her’s is her’s thing.

    we do keep joint and individual accounts for several reasons. joint b/c that’s how we pay the bills. now we have already filed power of attorneys at our banks so that in case something happens, the other can avoid the account frozen issues. joint accounts also allow us to pool our resources for higher deposit accounts. joint also allows to to ignore the his is his and hers is hers issue. she wasn’t working, so does that mean she doesn’t eat anymore, b/c she can’t pay her share of the bills? ridiculous.

    individual accounts, to maintain credit histories and b/c we do not want every account being a authorized user account. since we travel a lot separately it makes sense to have separate accounts for credit cards. having separate credit cards along with joint ones means that we don’t want to have too many authorized user accounts. we do have two, one in her name and one in mine where we are authorized users for eachother. this is easier when we travel together. if she is doing something else than myself, then we can both use the same credit account. we donot have any joint credit card accounts, though, b/c it doesn’t make sense for us since you can have an authorized user added. now, we have indiv accts at the same bank and the bank allows us to group both of our individual accounts to meet higher deposit minimums as well. indiv accts also, b/c we have indiv investment accts for things like ira’s. since my wife has relatives in a foreign country, we also maintain a separate savings account there so we don’t have to worry about currency transaction fees. if we area living or working in different locations (i.e. different countries) we maintain local indiv accts, which makes the currency issue easier, too.

  4. megan says:

    I am married and I came on this site to find out some information. Me and my husband have a joint account but I found out the other day that he has his seperate bank account with some of his extra money that I didnt know about. I’m not a big fan of the seperate bank accounts thing because it doesnt make sense to me! When your married I think that the money should be for both. Especially since we have 2 kids together, what if one needs something or we have an extra bill come up that we usually don’t have and the other person has it in the “seperate” account? I believe its good to have just 1 joint account. Now me and my husband are fighting about this. I told him seperate accounts is for single people but we are a family the money should be used for the family. So I dunno this just might be the end of our marriage because i can’t do the seperate account thing. Family= joint account to me thats my opinion!

  5. Lianne says:

    I will tell you my story of separate finances and assets:

    I have been living with my husband for 7 years, married for half that time. Everything is owned by my husband and held in trust to his adult daughter (including the house we built together and all the contents that we chose together). He is 15 years older than me and he came into the relationship with assets (myself none) but I have been helping him with his businesses for 7 years (he pays me) and even created a business for his daughter (which I have not been paid much for). I have become resentful, and have told him that I feel like I am helping him build a future for him and his family. I feel used, excluded, alone and uncared for.

    I have been wanting to start my own business (something I had been developing before I met him) but he is suggesting we do a business together. I can see this would be better in terms of creating a sense of partnership but at the moment am hurt and angry and want to exclude him back.

    He admits that he has issues about women taking from him but he gets very angry when I try to explain how I feel and tells me I am ungrateful and unreasonable. I have had some counselling sessions to try to understand my own issues more deeply but I don’t think I can solve this on my own. My only hope for the survival of this relationship is to have marriage counselling but he is resistant to it.

    Am I normal in feeling like this? Could any long-term relationship survive this financial set-up? How can I feel loved and cared for when I know that I will be left homeless and destitute if my husband dies tomorrow? How can I feel that we are building a life together when everything I put energy into is owned by him and his daughter?

    My husband insist that he loves me but how can I feel loved under these circumstances?

    I have thought about getting a job instead of working for him but I enjoy the work I do and it wouldn’t really solve the problem although it might make me feel more independent. I just don’t know if it is possible to build a life together while keeping assets and finances completely separate.

    Am I unreasonable in wanting to be financially included in some way?

    • GZTE says:

      I think your husband is being selfish and has a n issue with trust. I don’t you’re unreasonable. I don’t think he should exclude you from his finances, but wants to start a business with you. Why would he want to start a business with youwhile refusing to share anything else

  6. Albert says:

    i with the separate accounts, i think it a really good idea. My wife and I had a joint account and it did not work out at all. now we have separate accounts now and that salves the problems of fighting with us about money. I do not think it will salve the problem with everyone, its a case by case thing with all….

  7. Anonymous says:

    Jake, what my wife and I do is she pays for some things and I pay for others. example: she pays for house payment, insurance (cars) and her car note, and her personal credit card all adds up to about 1000 a month not includes credit card
    I pay for all the house hold things like gas, power, cable, water, i pay for my car note, my credit card, and other things in the house all adds up to about 1000 not includes credit card for my self.. now we deposit in the the main account money for food and playing, and dates…it does work out really good for us we do not fight about money like we did before. and each person can save as much money as they wont. My wife and i have a bet, we said who ever saves the most amount of money with end 6 month or so will chose we we go on vacation for that year…

  8. marriedwbabies says:

    I find seperate it odd when married people maintain seperate financial lives. Is it really because they can’t maintain peace if they have to discuss spending? Is it really that dificult to combine things? How can a couple, unwilling to create a spending plan together manage any other aspect of their relationship together? Do they keep everything seperate?

    Developing the ability to manage money together benefits every aspect of a marriage, because you get practice considering each other and learning to agree. It provides another opportunity to grow and build together and not seperately.

  9. Nena says:

    Now I am on the fence with the issue because have/am trying both ways. My ex and I when we got together we kept seperate accounts he paid the main house bills and I paid for mine( car, credit cards, etc.) and I also bought the food and essentials for the house. That was ok for a while until his income started going down and I went back to work ( after having a baby….my savings was bone dry) It went from me paying all my bills plus all the house bills except the house payment! Then we would fight over so and so needs to pay this bill or that bill and don’t turn the heat up to high cause I pay the bill or I pay the bill i can put it on whatever I want. Which now is very petty in hind site but it is how truthfully relationships are and what happens. I am now in a new realtionship and getting married in a few months and we decided to combine our money and I am responsible for all the finances due to his “inablilty”. Now we arguements over money where he will go and take half of the money we ahve in savings to pay for the wedding because it is “his”.
    I am to the point where I am about to seperate things but because I don’t trust him to pay what will need to be paid and pay it on time i feel like I am doing circles!!!!!!!!!! I have always beleived in one marriage, one union and all is combined but man when you don’t trust the person to be responsible with “family ” money what is a person to do???

  10. seeking advice in TX says:

    My husband and I have been married for nearly 6 years. I work fulltime, as does he. I also receive a generous amount of child suport each month which is included as part of “my income”. We have always held a joint account until a few months back when my husband decided that we needed to have separate accounts. I am not comforatble with that, but he insists. He says that way we can have our own money to do whatever we want to with it.

    I feel as though he is trying to separate our finances to “get his ducks in a row”. He is very reserved. Not very open about things that may bother him. We have had a rough last 12 months but it “seems” as though it has started to smooth out…BUT now I’m not so sure.

    Do you think it is just his way of getting financially ready for the big split?

    HELP!

    Seeking Advice in TX

  11. Lived it in Michigan says:

    Different accounts:

    BECAUSE we keep different accounts we never fight about money…..both our names are on each, I believe it is easier from a bill management perspective and I am the one managing the bills.

    I make 55% of the household income, so I pay 55% of the bills….she simply writes me a check when she gets paid. I added it to my account, pay our bills when they are due and there are never any issues. Investments are taken care of, all the bills are paid on time, vacation money is set aside as part of the monthly expenses, etc., etc.

    Also, this way I can buy her things or she can buy me things and we can go and buy things for ourselves with our ‘leftover’ money.

    It IS the ideal way to manage this……it has NOTHING at all to do with trust!!!

  12. Anandia says:

    I don’t understand the one comment that a husband closed all joint accounts and left his wife with $27…..

    I am going through a divorce, and my husband and I had one joint account in addition to several individual accounts. When I went to close the joint account I was told I couldn’t do so without my husband with me. We had to sign a paper and then instruct the bank employee on how to divide the money remaining in the account (which was a whopping $1.23 – I told her to just give it to him).

    I will never combine my finances wtih someone ever again, it was a horrible experience. He would constantly buy a little here, a little there, never caring that I was paying bills and just because the account “said” we had X amount in the bank, there were bills outstanding against that balance. Because of this, we were constantly getting hammered with overdrafts. Once, his activity charged up over 15 NSFs. 15 at $35 a pop….that’s $525 in overdraft charges….now that I have my own account(s), I NEVER have overdrafts. Imagine that…. ;)

  13. Bill says:

    Reasons not to combine, “2. Access is restricted in probate”

    The only way the bank will know is if you tell them your spouse is deceased. If your name is on it you can clear it out with out the hassles of probate. But keep in mind, if you are the executor, you have a fiduciary duty to pay all legitimate expenses of his/her estate.

  14. Jay says:

    Me and my wife have been together about 7 years. When we first met, I was in college and I played in a band, so finances were the farthest things from my mind. I only worked part time so when it came down to paying the bills, or hanging out with my friends, my friends always won. WHen I met my wife, she offered to handle my finances so that my bills would be paid, so I started giving her my paychecks, and she would give me an allowance every week. Fast fwd 7 years down the road.

    I now have a great job, a beautiful home, two kids, and 2 cars. Our situation has stayed the same throughout. Unfortunatly as I matured and grew older and wiser, I became more interested in business, investing, and saving, while my wife has kept the same view of working week to week to pay all the bills. We have been fighting off and on about this now for about 2 years. I want to invest and save to open a business, but my wife says this isn’t the right time to save or invest, we should keep paying the bills from week to week.

    Now I am not suggesting we don’t pay our bills, but since she has been in control of the money, over the years I have lost sight little by little of what is going on, and now I don’t get to see any of the bills or where we are at. I feel like I am just working and working just to sustain our lifestyle with no goal. I suggested splitting the bills and my wife was outraged. She thinks I don’t think she does a good enough job and insists I will never be able to do any better then her. Since 90% of the bills are in my name, along with the home and cars, and I make 90% of the income now, I feel I should have more control.

    After constant fighting, I decided I am going to just stop giving her my checks, get a PO box and have all the mail delivered there, and forcefully take over. I didn’t want it to come to this, but this is my last option.

    I don’t know how it is going to turn out. Anyone have a similar situation or helpful insight?

  15. Katie says:

    When my ex-husband and I had seperate accounts, we had no money issues. No fights, everything paid on time. On paydays I simply told him the amount I needed from him (Half of the household bills and daycare expenses) I paid for my car and things I wanted with the rest of my money, he did the same.

    Then, for work, I had to move out of the country for a year. We talked about it, and it seemed to make more sense to have a joint account where all the money went, because it would be simplier to pay the bills.

    The first month I was gone, we were negative 400 dollars. By the 6th month, we were 1400 dollars in the hole EVERY month.

    I came home in the 7th month, and as soon as I got off of the plane, I held out my hand, and he handed over all the cards, the checkbook, and the debit card. When I went back overseas, I simply wrote out all the checks every month, to whom the debt was owed. For things like daycare which was a set amount, I wrote in the amount. Things such as electricity, I left the amount open so he could write it in. I also wrote him two checks, one for the 1st and one for the 15th for groceries and spending money.

    It was a pain in the butt to do things that way…. trying to manage all the stateside finances and household bills from overseas, but I did it. And what do you know? The first month I took back control, we were 100 dollars negative, (making up for the month before) and after that, in the last 4 months I was gone, I managed to save 4 thousand dollars.

    Now, the bills didnt change. We had the same bills when I took over as we had when he was in charge of the joint account. But he never balanced the account, and spent money and just kept spending.

    Since I was overseas, if I didnt get to the ATM at 3 pm on payday and take out the amount of money I thought I would need for the next two weeks, I wouldnt be able to eat. 3 pm there was midnight here, and shortly after midnight, the automatated bank program would start taking our money out for overdraft. Most months we were at zero balance before paying any bills because of his overspending the months before.

    Will I ever let someone else handle finances which directly impact me? Probably not.

    He destroyed my credit. Even though the bank was always overdrawn, that was dealt with soon enough when I got control again. But for those first 6 months I was gone, he didnt even pay the bills on time – IF AT ALL.

    Mind you, before we had a joint account, we had NO MONEY ISSUES at all.

    Yes, a divorce did happen. And although money and finances were not the only reasons, they were a huge part of it.

  16. Mrs. Micah says:

    When combining, also make sure that you’re equal account holders.

    My grandfather died and my grandmother had trouble getting into some accounts, because she was apparently a secondary holder. She was telling me this is the only way joint accounts work–which is another reason one shouldn’t just listen to one source. It’s not, of course, but it might be important to talk with your banker about making sure everything’s set up to transition smoothly in the even of a death.

  17. Matt says:

    My wife and I have access to each others accounts and have joint money market accounts but keep the checking separate. I look at this as no different than having separate wallets. The bills are ours, the mortgage is ours, we save for our goals, but we both disperse money into our own checking accounts much like how we both put cash in our own billfolds/pocketbooks. I don’t worry about her not telling me about something she had to buy, she doesn’t worry about me grabbing some cash at the ATM. My checking account is free (and even in a different bank), hers might cost five or seven a month. Given the marital bliss and peace of mind that comes from that might be the best 7 dollars we spend.

  18. kathy Rowe says:

    I enjoyed reading all comments but my situation is different. I bought the house and furniture,all house hold needs. My husband makes alot more than I I feel he could, at present we half everything but it leaves me with nothing, when we talk about him perhaps putting in a little extra so I am not always in that position,his reply is all I think about is money. Am I being unfair. We have seperate accounts I know nothing of his. Thanks Kathy

  19. Geri says:

    My husband has been deceased for 6 1/2 yrs and all the utilities are in his name, should I have changed them into my name way before? I was told by one of the companies, can not remember who said it, but something about the of something would be changed into a higher bracket. Anyone familiar with this.

  20. Arwell says:

    My wife(soon to be ex) and I got married a year ago.Her family paid for the reception,my family for the honeymoon.She was considerably more wealthy than I was.She came from a business family and I came from a Professional family(Doctors/Lawyers).When we moved in after the wedding I paid the rent for 6months by myself and all the bills,including most of the spending money.When I asked her a year ago to split the bills with me(oh by the way we are both medical doctors, with both equal salaries),she told me that she does not believe in sharing things in a marriage 50-50.We had made plans to move to another country to further our posrgraduate education then she says that she does not want to have to work in that country?

    During that 6months we had opened a joint account where it was agreed that we put equal amounts in every month.However her increments got smaller and smaller every month,while at the same time we maintained separate accounts and credit cards.She made excuses that she had to pay back her father for items paid for etc etc…..My credit card account paid for nearly all house hold items,all the rent, then I still had to put some money into the joint account.She was of the view that the Man must bear the financial burden.Oh I had a loan that I had to pay back to the bank as well.

    We are always fighting.To test the strenght of a relationship throw in a Money issue.Her father bought us airline tickets and she made it very sure that I pay her daddy back.

    Recently after a six week split she called me,I brought up the money issue and she wanted us to buy a $2,000,000.00 home!!!!!!!!!!.When I asked her to split the downpayment with me,she said that I had to find it myself and she will she if what she can contribute every month.One day she brought out a necklace that my mother had bought for her for our wedding a year ago and smiles at me and said that she finds the necklace too cheap and I could buy a more expensive one for her in the future.(My mother had died one month before this incident took place.Hmmmmmm).

    Needless to say I never contacted my wife after these incidents(and there are many more).She wanted to go to a counsellor,I declined.She served me with divorce papers and I gladly(somewhat reluctantly signed).

  21. Arwell says:

    Somebody tell me that I was not crazy?

    • sage2400 says:

      Oh, you are absolutely not crazy! It was about time you divorced taht selfish brat. I cant beleive that she didnt pay a fair portion of the bills and made you pay for everything. Did she even work at all? Go find yourself a lady (who makes more or less money) who would appreciate you paying for everything.

  22. Simone says:

    I just got married in September and my husband and I are at odds right now due to this issue. I had originally agreed with him on having a joint house account and keeping our personal account for our own spending habits. (We both like to buy clothes and gadgets.) After 3 months, I still don’t have access to his personal account and because of this, I haven’t given him access to mine. With the holidays here, and still paying for my share of the wedding, I don’t have enough funds to celebrate Christmas and he hasn’t given me the agreed upon amount for this month’s expenses. I am so hurt and torn with this whole thing but he has purchased Christmas gifts for his daughter and family while I have nothing to spend on my son.
    I want the joint checking and savings but he vehemently disputes this and only wants the house account. It seems that most marriages (those who have responded on this site) agree that separate is better. I guess I’m venting more than needing advice because we have to decide on this. But for me, it is an issue of trust. I know some of you have said that trust has nothing to do with having a separate account, but it does to me. I want to know that he’s using his money wisely and appropriately and since I’ve never had access to his funds, I don’t know this answer.

    • mommy4 says:

      I feel ur pain though the same thing I though this asking for money and the more I ask i get mad So I stop asking Not to say that 3 of the boys is his so 13-8-10mos old and I pay childcare alone along with other bills working 2jobs he makes more then me in 1month alone

  23. Mary says:

    My parents do the yours mine and ours thing, with access to each other’s accounts, They do it because they both wanted to pay the bills so they each have their own domain.
    My fiance and I are about to have very serious discussion about this and I’m in the position of knowing that I come into the marriage with substantially more assets than he has. I’ve been taken advantage in the past and am very war of completely combining because of that.

  24. Married 18 months says:

    My husband and I have been married 18 months. My salary is approximately twice his.

    We have not combined our accounts, but we share household expenses in proportion to our salaries. We each contribute the maximum amount to our retirement/pension plans at work that we can.

    We take turns on buying groceries and dinners out. Again, spending somewhat proprotionately with our incomes. I pay 100% of vacation costs and anything else that he would consider to be a “luxury”.

    When our retirement and bank account statements come in the mail, we sit down together to review. There are never any hidden funds.

    All expenses are paid in cash and neither one of us carries a credit card balance month to month. The only personal debt I have is our house (still in my name) and his only debt is his car.

    Most of the time, this arrangement works well for us and we never fight over the day-to-day household expenses.

    At the end of the month, we each have approximately one-third of our take home pay in our separate accounts. So here is where the issues arise. Obviously, my “personal funds” are larger than his.

    Outside of our respective retirement funds, we each maintain our own investment portfolios. He watches CNBC religiously and buys and sells stocks. I’m not into stocks, I invest my money in rental properties. My properties are purchased by a corporation I’ve created with a partner for that purpose. The investment is always made with “personal funds”, the corporation holds the debt (secured by the property). The properties either cash flow themselves, or any contributions requred are made from my personal funds. There is no way that a “bad turn” on one of these investments would ever come back to haunt him (I’ve taken every legal precaution), but the operating agreement of the corporation dictates my shares go directly to him upon my death. (In my mind, only upside for him.)

    I’m currently looking at a piece of raw land on which I would build an investment property. This is a much larger undertaking than any of my other investments. He is completely against the purchase saying “we don’t have enough money”. Actually, I have plenty of money to finance the investment and believe it’s a good one.

    I don’t want to fight over this, but I feel resentful that he is trying to direct how I spend money. So, I guess I still have a problem with what’s “mine” vs. what’s “ours”.

    What do you think?

  25. George says:

    people should talk about this before they get married. If you don’t agree on money, that is reason enough not to get married in the first place. I think as long as I have food to eat, and clothes on my back, my wife can do whatever she likes with the rest of our income.

    • International Marriage says:

      My wife of 3 years recently asked me if it was alright if she could get a separate bank account? we currently have a total of 3 accounts, 1(check/savings) and 1 more savings we created for our 4 month old…you know, college money…baby expenses. and we try diligently to put money away in this account every single month. The 1st problem is she comes from Guatemala and has never worked a day in her life. I am the sole provider in our family, have a good job at the local hospital and do what I can to provide and make ends meet..but now I feel she wants separation of our marriage, by asking for this. I may sound old fashioned, but what happened to trust? What happened to the ideal of a union when 2 people marry? When she married me, she inherited everything about me, incl…debts, assets, etc. As for the guy named George, if you feel comfortable with the money situation and someone else taking charge of it, more power to you.


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