Comments on: Stay At Home or Pay for Daycare?

By: shaun

shaun — Sat, 26 Feb 2011 22:40:54 +0000

Bella,

I fully agree with how you are handling everything and playgroups make perfect sense. Sounds like you are taking care of business and good luck with that ex of yours.

By: Bella

Bella — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 01:23:26 +0000

well I am a stay at home mom going through a divorce and i have an income that exceeds his. he is a criminal and an absentee father, he stole the children to punish me. I am not a wall flower, I am their primary care giver and do more then bathe and feed them. I teach them, even though they are only 3 and 4. I will win custody and of course enlists the children in play groups for socialization beyond me. He works off and on but that’s not my problem. I have been everything to them their entire lives and will continue to be that and more. He will not get custody of my precious children.

By: Brennan

Brennan — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 15:25:23 +0000

This is a topic of conversation in my household currently because my wife just go laid off from her job and we are debating the pros and cons of daycare. But my wife is a wall flower, and I know if my daughter stays at home she wont get a lot of exterior interaction with other kids that she gets currently at daycare, plus there are no kids in our neighborhood her age. And I am the social butterfly in the family. I see that coming out in her the more she plays at school. SO I think it is imperitive for her to stay in some form of school to keep that peer interaction.

By: teacherpair

teacherpair — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 14:12:46 +0000

Speaking of underpaid teachers, my husband and I are both teachers. I am expecting our 2nd child in a month and trying to figure out what to do for next year. To go back to work or not. I made the switch to a private Montessori school from public school after my daughter was born so that we could take advantage of the fantastic preschool setting.
Now that baby number two is on the way and we just received our financial aid offer, it is clear that we cannot afford for both of our children to attend the school where I work which accepts infants beginning at 6 months. I am not even sure I could afford fulltime childcare for both in a less expensive setting. We unfortunately cannot afford to live on my husband’s teacher salary if I do not go back to work. What do I do? I am in a pickle! I cannot afford to work and I cannot afford to not work?

By: Kelsea

Kelsea — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 02:35:12 +0000

Actually you would be suprised at what my 115$ a week daycare provides for my child. I live in Texas so it is cheaper than elsewhere but my son goes to a very very good daycare.

By: J's Mom

J's Mom — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 04:07:37 +0000

It all depends on the kids! In our family (cousins, etc.) the kids who go to daycare tend to be a little more competitive/aggressive than those who don’t. Then again, they’re also generally more outgoing and very confident.

The cool thing about being a teacher is that you can turn your organizational skills on your home life. Make a ‘lesson plan’ and set up a curriculum for your baby! Look at both when you have and really ask yourself if you can make them merge and how? Where are you missing time? Would a babysitter twice a week take care of it? Would day care everyday be necessary? Really, if you can wean you and your child into a new schedule and stay flexible enough to make the tough decisions (if your child is one of the ones who can’t do daycare yet or does great and wants 5 days a week when you only want 3!), you’ll both be great!

Teachers are soooo underpaid…but money doesn’t actually seem to be the issue for you.=)

By: J's Mom

J's Mom — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 03:59:51 +0000

Not eating out as much is the major non-day care related expense that we’ve encountered. It really is amazing how much you save when you aren’t paying for two people to eat two meals a day out of the house! The water bill is actually the bill most affected by my choice to stay home, but choosing to do laundry and dishes at night has kept the electric bill level.

By: J's Mom

J's Mom — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 03:52:32 +0000

I’m definitely not a man, but I’ve often felt the same way. It’s hard to see the financial contribution of the work one does at home a lot of the time.

By: J's Mom

J's Mom — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 03:49:14 +0000

I think it really depends on the age of the child. When a kid is old enough for preschool, then, indeed, factors beyond the financial become a big factor. We’re financially very conservative, and I had to weigh the options of spending money and gas on a home school environment and field trips vs. paying for a little preschool per week. This, however, only became a factor when he was old enough for regular household education and library materials to cease to be enough for him. Certainly, not all parents are teachers or nurturers. There are many SAHPs who go into at-home-parenting with the education/mental stimulation aspect in mind. If you aren’t a very structured person naturally, daycare/preschool can be a lifesaver.

BTW- have you noticed that there are preschool (for kids who can’t read yet) workbooks with answer keys in the back? It boggles the mind….

By: J's Mom

J's Mom — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 03:33:54 +0000

4 months old and having that reaction could actually be a few different things. Dr. Sears has some interesting things to say and strategies for dealing with different attachment patterns that I found very helpful. Also, though, I find that kids who react that strongly at such a young age can be doing so because they aren’t feeling their best and really need the comfort. If it doesn’t go away after month 6 or 7 and you’ve tried some of Dr. Sears’s or other behavioral methods, I’d actually consult a pediatrician before trying a playgroup. When they’re that young, playgroup isn’t usually what they find comforting. Just my two cents!

By: saladdin

saladdin — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 17:21:41 +0000

I’ll give my input as a 35 year old single guy who has had to date “your” daughters. Stay at home vs daycare is the same (non-financially-wise). It’s the quality of parent that counts. The fact is that the large majority of you are average parents that don’t teach their kids life skillz. Most girls I have dated are 25-30 still live at home or call their parents for money every month. They are spoiled and have no concept of anything but self.

Kids are a reflection of the quality of parents. If you are a quality person and teach your kids that then they will be ok. If not, they will be pregnant at 16 and you will blame TV or rap music.

saladdin

By: TeacherMom?

TeacherMom? — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 15:53:23 +0000

I’m so glad I stumbled upon this website. I’ve enjoyed reading everyone’s comments. I am currently trying to decide if I will stay at home next year. :0

I have a 10 month old and currently teach second grade full time. Teachers do get a lot of time off, so it is a good job if you have kids of your own. However, with teaching, there is so much outside work. My husband still doesn’t understand why I work so much outside of school and I have been doing this for ten years.

If I give more at school, I lose time with my baby. However, if I give more to by daughter, I feel like I short change my kids at school. Uggghhh! At night, I have some time to grade papers, but I find myself exhausted with little time to read parenting books….etc. that I want to read. Also, every Sunday I find myself writing lesson plans and grading papers. I would rather spend that time with my daughter. I think I am leaning towards staying at home, but worried about socialization. Are there any teachers turned stay at home moms out there? What is your advice? Is there a difference between kids who go to daycare and those who stay at home? Thanks for your help!

By: Aaron

Aaron — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 15:31:35 +0000

I believe most of what you argue would depend on the person that is watching them for the “stay at home part.” My daughter has perfect manners that my wife taught her. She shares better than all of the daycare kids she’s come into contact with.

You should also remember that it is harder to enforce discipline with 3 parents (or more, you, spouse + countless others who are watching at the daycare). It requires much more communication to keep up with what the daycare is teaching. There’s also the fact that your child will be exposed to children who do not have good parents at home, and you will have to combat the bad habits they pick up from the other kids at the daycare (language, hitting, biting, etc)

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 14:22:46 +0000

Don’t know why my comment didn’t go through, maybe ’cause I typed ‘Anonymous’ in the name. Should I have written “Donkey Butt!?”
Anyway, the gist of my lengthy heart-felt post that took me about 30 minutes was…

I tried to work…got calls constantly to pick up my child, even when it was grandparent and then a sister-in-law who had her own daycare at home (paid).

Do whatever works best for your own situation. I decided to stay home because I just felt that noone would care for and love my children like I do. If you must work, find the best possible provider and switch until you feel it’s right. Your children deserve it.

By: Rob O.

Rob O. — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 01:15:15 +0000

That’s a rather huge assumption, daemondust. Many grandparents may not physically or mentally be capable of handling that responsibility. And I’m sure there are some who would not want that to be a routine assigned duty either.

We only have one remaining parent – my wife’s mother – and her mental health is so degraded with Alzheimer’s that she can’t even take care of herself much less be in charge of caring for a rambunctious toddler.

We may be in a somewhat different situation than most, but we have -NO- familial support system whatsoever – our closest immediate-family members are 1000 miles or more away.