First time was with a house down payment. And believe it or not but it wasn’t expected. I had been saving consistently for a couple of years getting up ~ 10k in CD’s. It was my emergency fund/house deposit. At the same time it was when interest rates were _amazing_ low. One weekend when they visited, I was talking about a townhouse I was interested in. My folks ended up matching my down payment. And amazingly it wasn’t without reason or just a desire to gift me. First was the low rates, they felt it was foolish not to invest/buy at that time. Secondly was inheritance taxes. They have the plan to divest everything they can to me and my siblings as close to but not after they pass. Not to keen about giving anything to the government.

And the second time was a pure offer. Was married by that time and my car was starting to get along in years. I was told if desired, they would get us a new one. Talk about being floored. The reasons they gave us was safety of she and I b/c of the age of my car as well as any future kids.

Never in my life have I ever lost sleep about accepting money before, damn unique experience tell you what. And it wasn’t a decision that I made by myself, my wife was every bit involved. And yes the same thoughts went through our heads as Saladdin. We are both self made, fiercely independent, and financially secure so why accept?

In the end we did because a) we knew it wouldn’t cause a hardship on my folks. They are smart and well positioned for their golden age from what I know. b) It was with no attachments or expectations (this was known from all the years of how they have treated me in the past). c) it was more for them than us. The act of giving was… the focus not the dollar value or the card.

There was 10 years btwn the gifts. I don’t expect any more from them. Never have never will. The things of value they gave me was skills/knowledge on how to achieve my goals. The monetary stuff is just gravy.

In my family, refusing to accept Christmas presents would be the same as refusing to become one of us, rebuffing offered friendship, and would not generally be acceptable behaviour. A gift like that is a token of friendship and appreciation. The polite thing to do is accept it graciously. If it comes with other strings, then that’s a different matter.

To be honest, it sounds like Saladdin has a chip on his shoulder about having to grow up too soon and he comes across much like a petulant teenager. But maybe this will improve as the exchange goes on.

I am completely on Tim’s side on this one, but I completely understand why Saladdin is reluctant to take gifts. It is very hard for me to accept gifts as well.

I don’t think that accepting a gift from a loving relative is akin to accepting charity (although there is nothing wrong with accepting charity if you need it). As a parent I know that parents are really protective of their kids (news flash), and genuinely want to help them achieve their goals in life. Yes, I would love to help my kids buy a house. If I did it would have nothing to do with charity, it would have everything to do with my feeling like a good, protective, successful dad. It would give me pleasure to help them out.

So, while it’s hard for me to accept monetary gifts, when my parents want to give me a few dollars, I accept. Even though I am in my mid-thirties, probably make more money than my parents, and can make do on my own. They enjoy it, why would I deny them that pleasure?